5.20.2008

Robert Rauschenberg, American Artist

May 14, 2008, The New York Times
Robert Rauschenberg, American Artist, Dies at 82
By MICHAEL KIMMELMAN

Robert Rauschenberg, the irrepressibly prolific American artist who time and again reshaped art in the 20th century, died on Monday night at his home on Captiva Island, Fla. He was 82.

The cause was heart failure, said Arne Glimcher, chairman of PaceWildenstein, the Manhattan gallery that represents Mr. Rauschenberg.

Blue Urchin, 1974

Mr. Rauschenberg’s work gave new meaning to sculpture. "Canyon," for instance, consisted of a stuffed bald eagle attached to a canvas. "Monogram" was a stuffed goat girdled by a tire atop a painted panel. "Bed" entailed a quilt, sheet and pillow, slathered with paint, as if soaked in blood, framed on the wall. All became icons of postwar modernism.

A painter, photographer, printmaker, choreographer, onstage performer, set designer and, in later years, even a composer, Mr. Rauschenberg defied the traditional idea that an artist stick to one medium or style. He pushed, prodded and sometimes reconceived all the mediums in which he worked.

Building on the legacies of Marcel Duchamp, Kurt Schwitters, Joseph Cornell and others, he helped obscure the lines between painting and sculpture, painting and photography, photography and printmaking, sculpture and photography, sculpture and dance, sculpture and technology, technology and performance art — not to mention between art and life.

Mr. Rauschenberg was also instrumental in pushing American art onward from Abstract Expressionism, the dominant movement when he emerged, during the early 1950s. He became a transformative link between artists like Jackson Pollock and Willem de Kooning and those who came next, artists identified with Pop, Conceptualism, Happenings, Process Art and other new kinds of art in which he played a signal role.

No American artist, Jasper Johns once said, invented more than Mr. Rauschenberg. Mr. Johns, John Cage, Merce Cunningham and Mr. Rauschenberg, without sharing exactly the same point of view, collectively defined this new era of experimentation in American culture.

Apropos of Mr. Rauschenberg, Cage once said, “Beauty is now underfoot wherever we take the trouble to look.” Cage meant that people had come to see, through Mr. Rauschenberg’s efforts, not just that anything, including junk on the street, could be the stuff of art (this wasn’t itself new), but that it could be the stuff of an art aspiring to be beautiful — that there was a potential poetics even in consumer glut, which Mr. Rauschenberg celebrated.

“I really feel sorry for people who think things like soap dishes or mirrors or Coke bottles are ugly,” he once said, “because they’re surrounded by things like that all day long, and it must make them miserable.”

The remark reflected the optimism and generosity of spirit that Mr. Rauschenberg became known for. His work was likened to a St. Bernard: uninhibited and mostly good-natured. He could be the same way in person. When he became rich, he gave millions of dollars to charities for women, children, medical research, other artists and Democratic politicians.

A brash, garrulous, hard-drinking, open-faced Southerner, he had a charm and peculiar Delphic felicity with language that masked a complex personality and an equally multilayered emotional approach to art, which evolved as his stature did. Having begun by making quirky, small-scale assemblages out of junk he found on the street in downtown Manhattan, he spent increasing time in his later years, after he had become successful and famous, on vast international, ambassadorial-like projects and collaborations.

Conceived in his immense studio on the island of Captiva, off southwest Florida, these projects were of enormous size and ambition; for many years he worked on one that grew literally to exceed the length of its title, “The 1/4 Mile or 2 Furlong Piece.” They generally did not live up to his earlier achievements. Even so, he maintained an equanimity toward the results. Protean productivity went along with risk, he felt, and risk sometimes meant failure.

The process — an improvisatory, counterintuitive way of doing things — was always what mattered most to him. “Screwing things up is a virtue,” he said when he was 74. “Being correct is never the point. I have an almost fanatically correct assistant, and by the time she re-spells my words and corrects my punctuation, I can’t read what I wrote. Being right can stop all the momentum of a very interesting idea.”

This attitude also inclined him, as the painter Jack Tworkov once said, “to see beyond what others have decided should be the limits of art.”

He “keeps asking the question — and it’s a terrific question philosophically, whether or not the results are great art,” Mr. Tworkov said, “and his asking it has influenced a whole generation of artists.”

A Wry, Respectful Departure

That generation was the one that broke from Pollock and company. Mr. Rauschenberg maintained a deep but mischievous respect for Abstract Expressionist heroes like de Kooning and Barnett Newman. Famously, he once painstakingly erased a drawing by de Kooning, an act both of destruction and devotion. Critics regarded the all-black paintings and all-red paintings he made in the early 1950s as spoofs of de Kooning and Pollock. The paintings had roiling, bubbled surfaces made from scraps of newspapers embedded in paint.

But these were just as much homages as they were parodies. De Kooning, himself a parodist, had incorporated bits of newspapers in pictures, and Pollock stuck cigarette butts to canvases.

Mr. Rauschenberg’s “Automobile Tire Print,” from the early 1950s — resulting from Cage’s driving an inked tire of a Model A Ford over 20 sheets of white paper — poked fun at Newman’s famous “zip” paintings.

At the same time, Mr. Rauschenberg was expanding on Newman’s art. The tire print transformed Newman’s zip — an abstract line against a monochrome backdrop with spiritual pretensions — into an artifact of everyday culture, which for Mr. Rauschenberg had its own transcendent dimension.

Mr. Rauschenberg frequently alluded to cars and spaceships, even incorporating real tires and bicycles into his art. This partly reflected his own restless, peripatetic imagination. The idea of movement was logically extended when he took up dance and performance.

There was, beneath this, a darkness to many of his works, notwithstanding their irreverence. “Bed” (1955) was gothic. The all-black paintings were solemn and shuttered. The red paintings looked charred, with strips of fabric akin to bandages, from which paint dripped like blood. “Interview” (1955), which resembled a cabinet or closet with a door, enclosing photos of bullfighters, a pinup, a Michelangelo nude, a fork and a softball, suggested some black-humored encoded erotic message.

There were many other images of downtrodden and lonely people, rapt in thought; pictures of ancient frescoes, out of focus as if half remembered; photographs of forlorn, neglected sites; bits and pieces of faraway places conveying a kind of nostalgia or remoteness. In bringing these things together, the art implied consolation.

Mr. Rauschenberg, who knew that not everybody found it easy to grasp the open-endedness of his work, once described to the writer Calvin Tomkins an encounter with a woman who had reacted skeptically to “Monogram” (1955-59) and “Bed” in his 1963 retrospective at the Jewish Museum, one of the events that secured Mr. Rauschenberg’s reputation: “To her, all my decisions seemed absolutely arbitrary — as though I could just as well have selected anything at all — and therefore there was no meaning, and that made it ugly.

“So I told her that if I were to describe the way she was dressed, it might sound very much like what she’d been saying. For instance, she had feathers on her head. And she had this enamel brooch with a picture of ‘The Blue Boy’ on it pinned to her breast. And around her neck she had on what she would call mink but what could also be described as the skin of a dead animal. Well, at first she was a little offended by this, I think, but then later she came back and said she was beginning to understand.”

Growing Up With Scraps

Milton Ernest Rauschenberg was born on Oct. 22, 1925, in Port Arthur, Tex., a small refinery town where “it was very easy to grow up without ever seeing a painting,” he said. (In adulthood he renamed himself Robert.) His grandfather, a doctor who emigrated from Germany, had settled in Texas and married a Cherokee. His father, Ernest, worked for a local utility company. The family lived so frugally that his mother, Dora, made him shirts out of scraps of fabric. Once she made herself a skirt out of the back of the suit that her younger brother was buried in. She didn’t want the material to go to waste.

For his high school graduation present, Mr. Rauschenberg wanted a ready-made shirt, his first. All this shaped his art eventually. A decade or so later he made history with his own assemblages of scraps and ready-mades: sculptures and music boxes made of packing crates, rocks and rope; and paintings like “Yoicks,” sewn from fabric strips. He loved making something out of nothing.

Mr. Rauschenberg studied pharmacology briefly at the University of Texas at Austin before he was drafted during World War II. He saw his first paintings at the Huntington Art Gallery in California while he was stationed in San Diego as a medical technician in the Navy Hospital Corps. It occurred to him that it was possible to become a painter.

He attended the Kansas City Art Institute on the G.I. Bill, traveled to Paris and enrolled at the Académie Julian, where he met Susan Weil, a young painter from New York who was to enter Black Mountain College in North Carolina. Having read about and come to admire Josef Albers, then the head of fine arts at Black Mountain, Mr. Rauschenberg saved enough money to join her.

Mr. Albers was a disciplinarian and strict modernist who, shocked by his student, later disavowed ever even knowing Mr. Rauschenberg. He was, on the other hand, recalled by Mr. Rauschenberg as “a beautiful teacher and an impossible person.”

“He wasn’t easy to talk to, and I found his criticism so excruciating and so devastating that I never asked for it,” Mr. Rauschenberg added. “Years later, though, I’m still learning what he taught me.”

Among other things, he learned to maintain an open mind toward materials and new mediums, which Mr. Albers endorsed. Mr. Rauschenberg also gained a respect for the grid as an essential compositional organizing tool.

For a while, he moved between New York, where he studied at the Art Students League with Vaclav Vytlacil and Morris Kantor, and Black Mountain. During the spring of 1950 he and Ms. Weil married. The marriage lasted two years, during which they had a son, Christopher, who survives him, along with Mr. Rauschenberg’s companion, Darryl Pottorf.

Being John Cage’s Guest

Mr. Rauschenberg experimented at the time with blueprint paper to produce silhouette negatives. The pictures were published in Life magazine in 1951; after that Mr. Rauschenberg was given his first solo show, at the influential Betty Parsons Gallery.

“Everyone was trying to give up European aesthetics,” he recalled, meaning Picasso, the Surrealists and Matisse. “That was the struggle, and it was reflected in the fear of collectors and critics. John Cage said that fear in life is the fear of change. If I may add to that: nothing can avoid changing. It’s the only thing you can count on. Because life doesn’t have any other possibility, everyone can be measured by his adaptability to change.”

Cage acquired a painting from the Betty Parsons show. Aside from that, Mr. Rauschenberg sold absolutely nothing. Grateful, he agreed to host Cage at his loft. As Mr. Rauschenberg liked to tell the story, the only place to sit was on a mattress. Cage started to itch. He called Mr. Rauschenberg afterward to tell him that his mattress must have bedbugs and that, since Cage was going away for a while, Mr. Rauschenberg could stay at his place. Mr. Rauschenberg accepted the offer. In return, he decided he would touch up the painting Cage had acquired, as a kind of thank you, painting it all black, being in the midst of his new, all-black period. When Cage returned, he was not amused.

“We both thought, ‘Here was somebody crazier than I am,’ ” Mr. Rauschenberg recalled. In 1952 Mr. Rauschenberg switched to all-white paintings which were, in retrospect, spiritually akin to Cage’s famous silent piece of music, during which a pianist sits for 4 minutes and 33 seconds at the keyboard without making a sound. Mr. Rauschenberg’s paintings, like the music, in a sense became both Rorschachs and backdrops for ambient, random events, like passing shadows.

“I always thought of the white paintings as being not passive but very — well — hypersensitive,” he told an interviewer in 1963. “So that people could look at them and almost see how many people were in the room by the shadows cast, or what time of day it was.”

Kicking around Europe and North Africa with the artist Cy Twombly for a few months after that, Mr. Rauschenberg began to collect and assemble objects — bits of rope, stones, sticks, bones — which he showed to a dealer in Rome who exhibited them under the title “scatole contemplative,” or thought boxes. They were shown in Florence, where an outraged critic suggested that Mr. Rauschenberg toss them in the river. He thought that sounded like a good idea. So, saving a few scatole for himself and friends, he found a secluded spot on the Arno. “‘I took your advice,” he wrote to the critic.

Yet the scatole were crucial to his development, setting the stage for bigger, more elaborate assemblages, like ‘“Monogram.” Back in New York, Mr. Rauschenberg showed his all-black and all-white paintings, then his erased de Kooning, which de Kooning had given to him to erase, a gesture that Mr. Rauschenberg found astonishingly generous, all of which enhanced his reputation as the new enfant terrible of the art world.

Around that time he also met Mr. Johns, then unknown, who had a studio in the same building on Pearl Street where Mr. Rauschenberg had a loft. The intimacy of their relationship over the next years, a consuming subject for later biographers and historians, coincided with the production by the two of them of some of the most groundbreaking works of postwar art.

In Mr. Rauschenberg’s famous words, they gave each other “permission to do what we wanted.” Living together in a series of lofts in Lower Manhattan until the 1960s, they exchanged ideas and supported themselves designing window displays for Tiffany & Company and Bonwit Teller under the collaborative pseudonym Matson Jones.

Along with the combines like “Monogram” and “Canyon” (1959), Mr. Rauschenberg in that period developed a transfer drawing technique, dissolving printed images from newspapers and magazines with a solvent and then rubbing them onto paper with a pencil. The process, used for works like “34 Drawings for Dante’s Inferno,” created the impression of something fugitive, exquisite and secret. Perhaps there was an autobiographical and sensual aspect to this. It let him blend images on a surface to a kind of surreal effect, which became the basis for works he made throughout his later career, when he adapted the transfer method to canvas.

Instrumental in this technical evolution back then was Tatyana Grossman, who encouraged and guided him as he made prints at her workshop, Universal Limited Art Editions, on Long Island; he also began a long relationship with the Gemini G.E.L. workshop in Los Angeles, producing lithographs like the 1970 “Stoned Moon” series, with its references to the moon landing.

His association with theater and dance had already begun by the 1950s, when he began designing sets and costumes for Mr. Cunningham, Paul Taylor and Trisha Brown and for his own productions. In 1963 he choreographed “Pelican,” in which he performed on roller skates while wearing a parachute and helmet of his design to the accompaniment of a taped collage of sound. This fascination with collaboration and with mixing art and technologies dovetailed with yet another endeavor. With Billy Klüver, an engineer at Bell Telephone Laboratories, and others, he started Experiments in Art and Technology, a nonprofit foundation to foster joint projects by artists and scientists.

A World of Praise

In 1964 he toured Europe and Asia with the Merce Cunningham Dance Company, the same year he exhibited at the Whitechapel Gallery in London and the Venice Biennale as the United States representative. That sealed his international renown. The Sunday Telegraph in London hailed him as “the most important American artist since Jackson Pollock.” He walked off with the international grand prize in Venice, the first modern American to win it. Mr. Rauschenberg had, almost despite himself, become an institution.

Major exhibitions followed every decade after that, including one at the Pompidou Center in Paris in 1981, another at the Guggenheim in 1997 and yet another at the Los Angeles Museum of Contemporary Art that landed at the Metropolitan Museum in 2005.

When he wasn’t traveling in later years, he was on Captiva, living at first in a modest beach house and working out of a small studio. In time he became that Gulf Coast island’s biggest residential landowner while also maintaining a town house in Greenwich Village in New York. He acquired the land in Captiva by buying adjacent properties from elderly neighbors whom he let live rent-free in their houses, which he maintained for them. He accumulated 35 acres, 1,000 feet of beach front and nine houses and studios, including a 17,000-square-foot two-story studio overlooking a swimming pool. He owned almost all that remained of tropical jungle on the island.

After a stroke in 2002 that left his right side paralyzed, Mr. Rauschenberg learned to work more with his left hand and, with a troupe of assistants, remained prolific for several years in his giant studio.

"I usually work in a direction until I know how to do it, then I stop," he said in an interview there. "At the time that I am bored or understand — I use those words interchangeably — another appetite has formed. A lot of people try to think up ideas. I’m not one. I’d rather accept the irresistible possibilities of what I can’t ignore."

He added: "Anything you do will be an abuse of somebody else’s aesthetics. I think you’re born an artist or not. I couldn’t have learned it. And I hope I never do because knowing more only encourages your limitations."

4.30.2008

r.i.p. Albie

sad news.


Albert Hofmann, 11 January 1006 – 29 April 2008

An Obituary by Dieter A. Hagenbach and Lucius Werthmüller

At the age of 102 years, Albert Hofmann died peacefully last Tuesday morning, 29th April, in his home near Basel, Switzerland. Still last weekend we talked to him, and he expressed his great joy about the blooming plants and the fresh green of the meadows and trees around his house. His vitality and his open mind conducted him until his last breath.

He is reputed to be one of the most important chemists of our times. He is the discoverer of LSD, which he considers, up to date, as both a "wonder drug" and a "problem child". In addition he did pioneering work as a researcher of other psychoactive substances as well as active agents of important medicinal plants and mushrooms. Under the spell of the consciousness-expanding potential of LSD the scientist turned increasingly into a philosopher of nature and a visionary critical of contemporary culture.

Until his death Albert Hofmann remained active. He communicated with colleagues and experts from all over the world, gave interviews, and showed great interest in the world's affairs, although he decided to retire from public life already a few years ago. Nevertheless he welcomed visitors at his home on the Rittimatte, and opened the door for late in the evening.

He managed to keep his almost childlike curiosity for the wonders of nature and creation. In his "paradise," as he would call his home, he enjoyed being close to nature, especially to plants. During one of our last visits he said to us with luminous eyes: "The Rittimatte is my second most important discovery." It was always a unique experience to stroll with him over his meadows and to share his enjoying the living nature all around.
Gratefully and lovingly we grieve for an outstanding scientist, an important philosopher, a dear and true friend, and our member of the board.

Albert Hofmann was born on January 1906 in the quiet small town of Baden, Switzerland, as the eldest one of four children. His father is a toolmaker in a factory where he meets Albert’s mother-to-be; when he falls seriously ill, Albert has to support the family. That’s why he decides for a commercial apprenticeship. At the same time he starts studying Latin and other languages, since he wants to take his A-levels, which he succeeds in at a private school, paid for by a godfather.

In 1926, at the age of twenty, Albert Hofmann begins to study chemistry at the University of Zurich. Four years later he does his doctorate with distinction. Subsequently he works at the Sandoz pharmaceutical-chemical research laboratory in Basel, a company to which he proves his loyalty for more than four uninterrupted decades. (In 1996 Sandoz and Ciba-Geigy merged to become Novartis.) That’s where he mainly works with medicinal plants and mushrooms. He's specifically interested in alkaloids (nitrogen compounds) of ergot, a cereal fungus. In 1938 he isolates the basic component of all therapeutically essential ergot alkaloids, lysergic acid; he mixes it with a series of chemicals. He then tests the effects of the thus derived lysergic acid derivatives as circulatory and respiratory stimulant – among others LSD-25 (Lysergic acid diethylamide). Because the effects observed fell short of expectations, however, the pharmacologists at Sandoz quickly lose interest in it.

Five years later, following a "peculiar presentiment," Albert Hofmann devotes himself again to LSD-25. On 16 April 1943, while synthesizing, he is overcome by unusual sensations – "a remarkable restlessness, combined with a slight dizziness," – which prompt him to interrupt his laboratory work. "At home I lay down and sank into a not unpleasant intoxication like condition, characterized by an extremely stimulated imagination. In a dreamlike state, with eyes closed (I found the daylight too unpleasantly glaring), I perceived an uninterrupted stream of fantastic pictures, extraordinary shapes with intense, kaleidoscopic play of colors. After some two hours this condition faded away."

Three days later, on 19 April 1943, Hofmann sets out for the first voluntary LSD trip in the history of man. Because he cannot yet judge the enormous efficacy of the drug, he takes, at 4:20 pm, with 250 microgram a relatively high dose – and gets to know the hallucinogenic power of the substance with all its intensity.
With his discovery of LSD Albert Hofmann has caused a snowball effect, which turns into an avalanche in no time. It influences the late second millennium – at least in the Western world – to an extent, comparable only to the "pill". Consciousness researchers respectfully spoke of an "atom bomb of the mind."

To worldwide setting-in research Albert Hofmann makes essential contributions. So he is, in 1958, the first one to succeed in isolating the psychoactive substances psilocybin and psilocin from Mexican magic mushrooms (Psilocybe mexicana); in Ololiuqui, the seeds of a climbing plant, he finds substances related to LSD. He isolates and synthesizes substances of important medicinal plants in order to study their effects. His basic research blesses Sandoz with several successful remedies: Hydergine, an effective one in geriatrics, Dihydergot, a circulation- and blood-pressure stabilizing medicament, and Methergine, an active agent applied in gynecology. Hofmann stays with Sandoz until his retirement in 1971, last as head of the research department for natural medicines. From then on he devotes more and more of his time to writing and lecturing. He increasingly wins recognition for his scientific pioneering ventures: he is given honorary doctorates by the ETH Zurich, the Stockholm university, and the Berlin Free University; and he is called into the Nobel Prize Committee.

Here, outstanding contributions to research were honored – but Albert Hofmann's life's work comprises much more. From the start he took a favorable view of efforts by physicians and psychotherapists to include LSD into new approaches for the treatment of manifold chronic diseases. But LSD isn't only useful with special diagnoses – it's Hofmann's firm belief that the "psychedelic" potential of this "wonder drug" could be beneficial to all of us. In LSD-induced altered states of consciousness its discoverer doesn’t only see psychotic delusions of a chemically manipulated mind, but windows to a higher reality – true spiritual experiences during which a normally deeply buried potential of our mind, the heavenly element of creation, our unity with it reveals itself. "The one-sided belief in the scientific view of life is based on a far-reaching misunderstanding," Hofmann says in his book Insight – Outlook. "Certainly, everything it contains is real – but this represents just one half of reality; only its material, quantifiable part. It lacks all those spiritual dimensions which cannot be described in physical or chemical terms; and it’s exactly these which include the most important characteristics of all life."

It’s not the single consumer alone who profits from chemicals which help to understand these aspects of the world; for Hofmann it could help to heal deficits the Western world chronically suffers from: "Materialism, estrangement from nature (...), lack of professional fulfillment in a mechanized, lifeless world of employment, boredom and aimlessness in a rich, saturated society, the missing of a sense-making philosophical fundamentalness of life." Starting from experiences as LSD conveys them, we could "develop a new awareness of reality" which "could become the basis of a spirituality that's not founded on the dogmas of existing religions, but on insights into a higher and profounder sense" – on that we recognize, read, and understand "the revelations of the book which God's finger wrote." When such insights "become established in our collective consciousness, it could arise from that, that scientific research and the previous destroyers of nature – technology and industry – will serve the purpose of changing back our world into what it formerly was: into an earthly Garden of Eden."

With this message the genius chemist turns into a profound philosopher of nature and visionary critical of contemporary culture. The critical distance from the LSD euphoria of the hippie- and flower power-driven ones Albert Hofmann has never given up, however; that he has fathered a "problem child" he already emphasizes with the title of one of his most known works. He always underlines the risks of an uncontrolled intake. On the other hand he never tires of emphasizing what's the basic difference between LSD and most of the other drugs: even if used repeatedly, it doesn't make addictive; it doesn't reduce one's awareness; taken in a normal dose it’s absolutely non-toxic. The total demonizing of psychedelics, as pursued by the mass media, conservative politicians, and governments from the sixties onward, he never could understand; for him, there is no reason why mentally stable persons in the right set and setting shouldn't enjoy LSD. All the more disappointed Albert Hofmann was when, in the late sixties, he had to see it happen that the use of LSD was worldwide criminalized and prohibited – even for therapeutic and research purposes

The impetus for a change emanating from the impact of the international Symposium "LSD – Problem Child and Wonder Drug" in 2006 in Basel, at the occasion of his 100th birthday, quickened him to say that "after this conference my problem child has definitely turned into a wonder child," and he regarded this development as his most beautiful birthday present.

And after just shortly before his 102nd birthday, he enjoyed taking notice that the first LSD study with humans has received the permission from the Federal Office of Public Health in Bern, which he called the "fulfillment of my heart's desire."

His life has become an ideal for many for how we can reach a great age in mental and physical vigor by retaining a childlike curiosity.

Albert Hofmann repeatedly expressed his conviction, that his mystical experiences and his trips into other worlds of consciousness, which he experienced first spontaneously as a child and later during his experiments with psychedelic substances would be the best preparations for the last journey which everybody has to go on at the end of her or his life. He has retained his curiosity for himself for his last journey.

4.25.2008

spring is here

thank GOD!

and i really do need to get back on the stick, here. logged in today pretty much just to see if i still would remember how. i did. small miracles.

realized that i apparently have my "comments" set up to be approved first -- gotta change that. sorry, folks. please keep 'em coming. together, we can breathe new life into the good ol' bitchin' hats site.

i'll try to be more topical. and consistent.

we'll see.

peace.

9.25.2007

my site sucks

so, i finally got a comment, after an interminable period of silence from my readers. here it is:
dude, this site sucks. I typed 'bitchin' into goog... dude, this site sucks. I typed 'bitchin' into google expecting to come across some bitchin' shit where some guy blows up after getting fucked by three bitchin' hos and instead I get this pathetic excuse of a site.

I scrolled down your page within the space of approx. 30 secs but I can tell you already that it sucks.

I'm going now to pick five words at random from thebody of your text:

1 - specifically
2 - for
3 - it
4 - trite
5 - pretty

So my point didn't work, well the list is supposed to work a bit like this:

1 - bad
2 - suicide
3 - crushed
4 - adversity
5 - human

And the idea is that the list would work out the same way on any one of your posts. No wonder I'm the first person to comment in what seems like 100 years.

Hardly bitchin at all, really...
(Anonymous) 9/16/07
fair enough. maybe the reason i receive no comments is because the site really does suck. hell if i know. maybe i have no readers. that said, if anyone knows what advice this comment is trying to give me, please let me know. i honestly don't know what they're trying to tell me. i'm certainly open to suggestions for making this a better experience.

or any kind of experience, really. i'll confess -- lately, i just don't feel like i'm all that interesting. like i've lost something. living in ohio quite possibly is killing me.

7.31.2007

suicide is painless

i've never really thought about it. sure, i've had my share of bad days, like everyone else. days when i've felt so oppressed by the shit that life can dump on a person that i've been totally spent, emotionally crushed, suffering from sheer psychic fatigue. i've had to face my share of situations that have launched me into pointless spells of racing thoughts. there was a time in my life -- specifically, it was when my marriage crashed and burned -- that, for a period of about 6 months, i would get off work, stop at this divey little pizza shop/beer store around the corner from where i was living at the time, buy a 6-pack of Bud tall-boys, and drink most or all of them -- not to get drunk, but to be able to get to sleep. i couldn't stop the thought-spinning, but i could physically defeat consciousness.

i have never actively considered taking my own life. it sounds painfully obvious, i know, and i'm not trying to be trite, but one of the secrets to life is to just keep living. keep doing it. because you can get through it. i've found myself at times in some pretty big holes -- emotional, financial -- but i've gotten out of them. i'm not trying to put some big positive spin on any of this. frankly, the shitty times in my life have been pretty shitty. i have definitely experienced days when, lying in bed, i've thought to myself that if for some reason i just don't wake up again, it wouldn't be terribly disappointing to me. but i never didn't want to wake up. just that there were times when, given what i knew i'd have to go through to get back on my feet, and knowing that i would do it, it was the only alternative that presented itself. i either get through this and get over it, or i don't.

not trying to sound exceptional here, or in any way heroic. i've done -- and failed to do -- lots of things that i'm not proud of myself for. but, you know, i'm human. i'm not perfect. and accepting that has taught me that whatever screw up i've made, i can get past it. i can forgive myself, and others, and other people can forgive me, too. we all have weaknesses. we all have shortcomings. that's not the issue.

if i'm in any way fortunate, it may be that i'm blessed with some strengths. it's not a long list, in my opinion. basically, i seem to have a pretty strong will to survive , or at least some high capacity to rebound from adversity. and i can be very stubborn, which has allowed me to maintain some sense of idealism even when the whole concept of idealism seemed pretty shit-stained. and i'm patient. i know how to wait. i don't know why i do, or how i can do it, but i can wait things out. time can frustrate me, but i somehow seem to have an innate understanding of its calloused, immutable nature. i know that it will pass, and that i can watch it pass, if i choose to, without missing much of anything in the meantime.

when you get through rough times in life, what you stand to learn is that, not only can you take it, but life can and will and does get better. and, you know what? when it gets better, you're the one who benefits. just like you're the one who suffers when it's shitty. but to benefit, you have to be there. you have to show up.

i show up. i still have days, don't get me wrong. i'm human, remember? just like you. just like you i have days when there are more questions than answers. when my 45-and-a-half years of survival seem to mean nothing. is it me, or is it everyone else? is it my diet, or my brain? is it stress? is it brain chemistry? is it because of a few bad bumps on the head as a kid? is it because of my parents? is it because of my birth order? is it how i was raised? is it my personality? is it my body language? is it because of how i look? is it because i'm not tall enough? is it because i need to lose weight? is it my voice? is it because of where i live? was i born in the wrong time? was i born in the wrong place? should i have more of this? do i have too much of that? do i need more sleep, or less? am i living in the wrong time zone? am i not ambitious enough? am i a lazy person? am i depressed? do i have a bad attitude? am i delusional? am i naive? am i paranoid? am i immature? am i selfish?

i have just as many questions as you do. answers -- who knows. your guess is probably as good as mine. and my best guess is that, to find out, i guess we just need to show up.

4.20.2007

in memorium

4.19.2007

what possible good could come from...

i hate tv news networks. nbc, cnn, larry king, paula zahn, mainstream or local news -- they all are insensitive ratings whores.

of course, i disappoint you by not telling you anything new. this i already know.

the only appropriate coverage right now is on the radio.

4.16.2007

sharing your sorrow


April 16, 2007

3.26.2007

Egon Schiele, Two Figures, 1917
watercolor, charcoal on paper

ArtandCulture

ArtandCulture

awesome site for anyone with an interest in anything artsy. enjoy!

3.23.2007

Seductress: The Women and the Art: "The seductress. She's a scarlet inkblot, a Rorschach of our deepest sexual fears and fantasies. She's the blond bimbette in a string bikini; the stacked vamp in Spandex; the Chanel-suited nymphobitch of Sullivan & Cromwell; the servile artist's muse and maidservant. But we've got it wrong. We've been gulled by chimeras-sleazy, bogus stereotypes that need to be dismantled and replaced by the genuine article."

i want one. where are you, my seductress? call me!

3.22.2007

new look

yeah, since i finally was able to log into the old blogger dashboard after the google migration, following a recent upgrade of Firefox, i figured it was high time to give all of you loyal readers a break and update the look of the blog.

hope you like it. it's cleaner, yes?

i just moved, a few months ago. wish i could get everything together as quickly at home.

3.07.2007

not your father's campus

in case there was any doubt, young people continue to find ways to keep the college experience interesting. dig some of these titles on the "optional reading" list:again, i'm reminded that i was born in the wrong time.

like, totally, right!

1.15.2007

poor bushie. sad bushie.


12.13.2006

Daryl Hannah is totally cool!

really -- I had no idea. i was checking out AmandaAcrossAmerica, which led me to hannah's site, dhlovelife.com. learned about the very cool Southcentral Farmers, who until recently cultivated 350 community farms in what was formerly nothing more than a South-Central LA wasteland (and, which is, sadly, on the way to becoming one again).

check out d's video-blog on mushroom expert, paul stamets. (did you know that common button mushrooms -- those plain, white "snow" mushrooms you can find in any grocery store -- as well as trendy portabellas, contain the same dangerous carcinogens as those produced when you smoke cigarettes??!! stick with the shitakes!)

12.08.2006

good thing they aren't attorneys.....

'cuz their argument sucks -- hear about this? there's this restaurant in Tempe, AZ, called The Heart Attack Grill, that uses a Hooter's-style gimmick of having their waitresses wear naughty nurse uniforms as they serve up such items as the Quadruple Bypass Burger and Flatliner Fries to customers. so, a bunch of nurses started complaining, and the whole thing has culminated in the AZ Board of Nursing sending the owner a letter informing him that only real nurses can be called nurses........

anyway -- here's the argument made by some brilliant administrator: "Nurses are the most sexually fantasized-about profession," said Sandy Summers, executive director of the Center for Nursing Advocacy, based in Baltimore. "We're asking people, if they're going to have these fantasies, please don't make it so public. Move these sexual fantasies to other professions."

apparently, it's not OK with the nurses for their profession to be objectified, but it IS OK with them if other professions are.

hmmmmmm. like, say, attorneys, maybe??

you, uh, want some fries with that shake??

10.27.2006

i would love to have dinner with these people.....

....or party with them. or date them, as the case may be. anyone you know??

10.26.2006

gotta love tom

enjoy!~

10.17.2006

greatest hits

how many of these albums have you owned? (yeah. remember albums??)

10.02.2006

Deus Ex Machina -- say what now?...

i suppose that this really shouldn't surprise me, given that over half of the population around here believes that the universe is 6,000 years old, but -- come on!! take a look......
``Jesus Power and Light'' -- a free-electricity promotion denounced by scientists, consumer advocates and state attorneys general -- was pitched at an Akron City Council member's Sept. 5 ward meeting.
apparently, there's this sales guy named Fred Gissendaner, described as "a respected local sports hero and community figure," who claims to be a "certified dealer for the Hummingbird Motor & Sundance Generator, which purportedly harnesses the energy of permanent magnets to produce more electricity than it uses."

gets better. at the moment, the AKtual MagiK Machines aren't available. for now, Gissandaner is peddling a DVD that explains the technology. shell out your $20 for the disk, and you get to be one of 1.6 million so-called "witnesses" who will be invited to football fields across America and Canada on July 10, 2007, for the machine's debut. then they get to have the generators installed in their homes, at which point they're entitled to free electricity for life.

how will this work? according to Gissandaner, International Tesla Electric Co. (ITEC) will retain ownership of the home-installed generators, and the company will sell all the excess electricity being created in everyone's backyards, garages and basements back to the utilities. forgive us -- of course you wanna know what it looks like...

looks pretty legit, huh? but who's that dashing gentleman in the picture? could it be Fred Gissandaner? alas, no. it is none other than Dennis Lee. so, who is Dennis Lee?

a coupla google searches later, and it's no surprise to this cybernaut that this whole thing has sketchy roots. Dennis Lee, apparently, is some kinda techno-snake oil salesman for the new millenium. in an open letter he wrote in May of 1999, to explain to former members of the Tesla Society why it had been acquired for a grand total of $5,000, Lee proclaims, "It is my belief that Nikola Tesla was the greatest scientist ever to grace mankind with his presence....I am in awe of his greatness and respect his insight more than I do any other human this side of Jesus Christ." how touching. or weird. Lee refers to good old Nikola as "the Guru," while referring to himself, more modestly, as the Director of Research for Better World Technologies.

the BBA, on the other hand, refers to the whole thing as a scam. not to be discouraged, good old Akron, Ohio has seen the likes of Lee's shameless hucksterism before, back in 1999.

so, how is it that he is coming back? not to mention how a hair-brained scheme like this managed to get floor time at a ward meeting. according to the linked article, Akron Councilwoman Renee Greene, commenting on Gissandaner, said "she was unaware of the court actions or Lee's connection to Gissendaner's investment proposal when she agreed to let Gissendaner speak at her meeting."
"Fred is the kind of person that I consider resourceful," she said. "He came to us from a religious perspective."

She doesn't think any harm was done at the meeting because nobody took him up on the offer.

"If my church was going to be involved, then we would be investigating," she said. "Otherwise, this was just a pass-along-information thing."
ah! -- now we get it. if it were for your church, you'd take a closer look, but, hell, it's good enough for the city, yo!

Nikola Tesla
(July 10, 1856 - January 7, 1943)