mourning music
"During the disaster 700,000 people were displaced, including 330,000 African-Americans who were moved to 154 relief camps. Over 13,000 refugees near Greenville, Mississippi were gathered from area farms and evacuated to the crest of an unbroken levee, and stranded there for days without food or clean water, while boats arrived to evacuate white women and children. Many African-Americans were detained and forced to labor at gunpoint during flood relief efforts." -- Wikipedia entry on the floods of 1926-1927
Robert Russa Moton's report on the Treatment of Black Americans after the 1927 floods
Louisiana 1927
What has happened down here is the wind have changed
Clouds roll in from the north and it starts to rain.
Rained real hard, it rained for a real long time,
Six feet of water in the streets of Evangeline.
The river rose all day, the river rose all night.
Some people got lost in the flood,
Some people got away alright.
The river have busted through, clear down to Plaquemines --
Six feet of water in the streets of Evangelne.
Louisiana, Louisiana --
They're tryin' to wash us away,
They're tryin' to wash us away.
Louisiana, Louisiana --
They're tryin' to wash us away,
They're tryin' to wash us away.
President Coolidge came down in a railroad train
With a little fat man with a notepad in his hand.
The President say, "Little fat man, isn't it a shame? -
what the river has done to this poor crackers land."
Louisiana, Louisiana --
They're tryin' to wash us away,
They're tryin' to wash us away.
Louisiana, Louisiana --
They're tryin' to wash us away,
They're tryin' to wash us away,
They're tryin' to wash us away,
They're tryin' to wash us away.
-- Randy Newman
I Wish I Was in New Orleans
Well, I wish I was in New Orleans
I can see it in my dreams.
Arm-in-arm down Burgundy,
a bottle and my friends and me.
Hoist up a few tall cold ones
play some pool and listen to that
tenor saxophone calling me home.
And I can hear the band begin
"When the Saints Go Marching In."
By the whiskers on my chin
New Orleans, I'll be there.
I'll drink you under the table
be red nose, go for walks,
the old haunts, what I wants
is red beans and rice.
And wear the dress I like so well
and meet me at the old saloon.
Make sure there's a Dixie moon
New Orleans, I'll be there.
And deal the cards, roll the dice,
if it ain't that ol' Chuck E. Weiss
and Clayborn Avenue, me and you,
Sam Jones and all --
And I wish I was in New Orleans
I can see it in my dreams.
Arm-in-arm down Burgundy,
a bottle and my friends and me,
New Orleans, I'll be there.
-- Tom Waits
9.06.2005
9.03.2005
bring it
here we go. cleveland's dennis kucinich:
maybe we're waking up.
here we go. cleveland's dennis kucinich:
“The President said an hour ago that the Gulf Coast looks like it has been obliterated by a weapon. It has. Indifference is a weapon of mass destruction."and, by any chance did you see this??
maybe we're waking up.
9.02.2005
heartbreaking, infuriating
heartbreaking.
New Orleans Mayor Ron Nagin, interviewed on the radio on 9/1/2005 (stream / transcript).
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
infuriating.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wake of the Flood
By William Rivers Pitt
t r u t h o u t | Perspective
Friday 02 September 2005
This will come as no surprise, but columnist Molly Ivins has again nailed it to the wall. "Government policies have real consequences in people's lives," Ivins wrote in her Thursday column. "This is not 'just politics' or blaming for political advantage. This is about the real consequences of what governments do and do not do about their responsibilities. And about who winds up paying the price for those policies."
Try this timeline on for size. In January of 2001, George W. Bush appointed Texas crony Joe Allbaugh to head FEMA, despite the fact that Allbaugh had exactly zero experience in disaster management. By April of 2001, the Bush administration announced that much of FEMA's work would be privatized and downsized. Allbaugh that month described FEMA as, "an oversized entitlement program."
In December 2002, Allbaugh quit as head of FEMA to create a consulting firm whose purpose was to advise and assist companies looking to do business in occupied Iraq. He was replaced by Michael D. Brown, whose experience in disaster management was gathered while working as an estate planning lawyer in Colorado, and while serving as counsel for the International Arabian Horse Association legal department. In other words, Bush chose back-to-back FEMA heads whose collective ability to work that position could fit inside a thimble with room to spare.
By March of 2003, FEMA was no longer a Cabinet-level position, and was folded into the Department of Homeland Security. Its primary mission was recast towards fighting acts of terrorism. In June of 2004, the Army Corps of Engineers' budget for levee construction in New Orleans was cut by a record $71.2 million. Jefferson Parish emergency management chief Walter Maestri said at the time, "It appears that the money has been moved in the president's budget to handle homeland security and the war in Iraq, and I suppose that's the price we pay."
And then the storm came, and the sea rose, and the levees failed. Filthy sewage-laced water began to fill the bowl of New Orleans. Tens of thousands of poor people who did not have the resources to flee the storm became trapped in a slowly deteriorating city without food, water or electricity. The entire nation has since been glued to their televisions, watching footage of an apocalyptic human tragedy unfold before their eyes. Anyone who has put gasoline in their car since Tuesday has come to know what happens when the port that handles 40% of our national petroleum distribution becomes unusable.
And the response? "Bush mugs for the cameras," says Kevin Drum of The Washington Monthly, "cuts a cake for John McCain, plays the guitar for Mark Wills, delivers an address about V-J day, and continues with his vacation. When he finally gets around to acknowledging the scope of the unfolding disaster, he delivers only a photo op on Air Force One and a flat, defensive, laundry list speech in the Rose Garden."
Newsweek described it this way: "For all the president's statements ahead of the hurricane, the region seemed woefully unprepared for the flooding of New Orleans - a catastrophe that has long been predicted by experts and politicians alike. [see also here] There seems to have been no contingency planning for a total evacuation of the city, including the final refuges of the city's Superdome and its hospitals. There were no supplies of food and water ready offshore - on Navy ships for instance - in the event of such flooding, even though government officials knew there were thousands of people stranded inside the sweltering and powerless city."
Republican House Speaker Dennis Hastert twisted the knife on Thursday by bluntly suggesting that we should not bother rebuilding the city of New Orleans. "It doesn't make sense to me," Hastert said to the Daily Herald in suburban Chicago. "And it's a question that certainly we should ask. We help replace, we help relieve disaster. But I think federal insurance and everything that goes along with it ... we ought to take a second look at that." This sentiment was echoed by the Republican-American newspaper out of Waterbury, CT: "If the people of New Orleans and other low-lying areas insist on living in harm's way, they ought to accept responsibility for what happens to them and their property."
This is it, right here, right now. This is the Bush administration in a nutshell.
The decision to invade Iraq based on lies has left the federal government's budget woefully, and I daresay deliberately, unprepared for a disaster of this magnitude, despite the fact that decades worth of warnings have been put forth about what would happen to New Orleans should a storm like this hit. Louisiana National Guard soldiers and equipment, such as high-water Humvees for example, are sitting today in Iraq while hundreds or even thousands die because there are not enough hands to reach out and pull them from the water. FEMA - downsized, redirected, budget-slashed and incompetently led - has thus far failed utterly to cope with the scope of the catastrophe.
Actions have consequences. What you see on your television today is not some wild accident, but is a disaster that could have been averted had the priorities of this government been more in line with the needs of the people it pretends to serve. The city of New Orleans, home to so much of the culture that makes America unique and beautiful, is today drowning underneath an avalanche of polluted, diseased water. This, simply, did not have to happen.
Remember that the next time you hear Bush talk about noble causes, national priorities and responsibility. This has been an administration of death, disaster, fear and woe. The whole pack of them should be run out of Washington on a rail. Better yet, they should be air-dropped into the center of New Orleans and made to see and smell and touch and taste the newest disaster they have helped to create.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
William Rivers Pitt is a New York Times and internationally
bestselling author of two books: War on Iraq: What Team Bush Doesn't Want You to Know and The Greatest Sedition Is Silence.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
heartbreaking.
New Orleans Mayor Ron Nagin, interviewed on the radio on 9/1/2005 (stream / transcript).
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
infuriating.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wake of the Flood
By William Rivers Pitt
t r u t h o u t | Perspective
Friday 02 September 2005
All last night sat on the levee and moaned,
All last night sat on the levee and moaned,
Thinkin' about my baby and my happy home.
-- Led Zeppelin, "When the Levee Breaks"
This will come as no surprise, but columnist Molly Ivins has again nailed it to the wall. "Government policies have real consequences in people's lives," Ivins wrote in her Thursday column. "This is not 'just politics' or blaming for political advantage. This is about the real consequences of what governments do and do not do about their responsibilities. And about who winds up paying the price for those policies."
Try this timeline on for size. In January of 2001, George W. Bush appointed Texas crony Joe Allbaugh to head FEMA, despite the fact that Allbaugh had exactly zero experience in disaster management. By April of 2001, the Bush administration announced that much of FEMA's work would be privatized and downsized. Allbaugh that month described FEMA as, "an oversized entitlement program."
In December 2002, Allbaugh quit as head of FEMA to create a consulting firm whose purpose was to advise and assist companies looking to do business in occupied Iraq. He was replaced by Michael D. Brown, whose experience in disaster management was gathered while working as an estate planning lawyer in Colorado, and while serving as counsel for the International Arabian Horse Association legal department. In other words, Bush chose back-to-back FEMA heads whose collective ability to work that position could fit inside a thimble with room to spare.
By March of 2003, FEMA was no longer a Cabinet-level position, and was folded into the Department of Homeland Security. Its primary mission was recast towards fighting acts of terrorism. In June of 2004, the Army Corps of Engineers' budget for levee construction in New Orleans was cut by a record $71.2 million. Jefferson Parish emergency management chief Walter Maestri said at the time, "It appears that the money has been moved in the president's budget to handle homeland security and the war in Iraq, and I suppose that's the price we pay."
And then the storm came, and the sea rose, and the levees failed. Filthy sewage-laced water began to fill the bowl of New Orleans. Tens of thousands of poor people who did not have the resources to flee the storm became trapped in a slowly deteriorating city without food, water or electricity. The entire nation has since been glued to their televisions, watching footage of an apocalyptic human tragedy unfold before their eyes. Anyone who has put gasoline in their car since Tuesday has come to know what happens when the port that handles 40% of our national petroleum distribution becomes unusable.
And the response? "Bush mugs for the cameras," says Kevin Drum of The Washington Monthly, "cuts a cake for John McCain, plays the guitar for Mark Wills, delivers an address about V-J day, and continues with his vacation. When he finally gets around to acknowledging the scope of the unfolding disaster, he delivers only a photo op on Air Force One and a flat, defensive, laundry list speech in the Rose Garden."
Newsweek described it this way: "For all the president's statements ahead of the hurricane, the region seemed woefully unprepared for the flooding of New Orleans - a catastrophe that has long been predicted by experts and politicians alike. [see also here] There seems to have been no contingency planning for a total evacuation of the city, including the final refuges of the city's Superdome and its hospitals. There were no supplies of food and water ready offshore - on Navy ships for instance - in the event of such flooding, even though government officials knew there were thousands of people stranded inside the sweltering and powerless city."
Republican House Speaker Dennis Hastert twisted the knife on Thursday by bluntly suggesting that we should not bother rebuilding the city of New Orleans. "It doesn't make sense to me," Hastert said to the Daily Herald in suburban Chicago. "And it's a question that certainly we should ask. We help replace, we help relieve disaster. But I think federal insurance and everything that goes along with it ... we ought to take a second look at that." This sentiment was echoed by the Republican-American newspaper out of Waterbury, CT: "If the people of New Orleans and other low-lying areas insist on living in harm's way, they ought to accept responsibility for what happens to them and their property."
This is it, right here, right now. This is the Bush administration in a nutshell.
The decision to invade Iraq based on lies has left the federal government's budget woefully, and I daresay deliberately, unprepared for a disaster of this magnitude, despite the fact that decades worth of warnings have been put forth about what would happen to New Orleans should a storm like this hit. Louisiana National Guard soldiers and equipment, such as high-water Humvees for example, are sitting today in Iraq while hundreds or even thousands die because there are not enough hands to reach out and pull them from the water. FEMA - downsized, redirected, budget-slashed and incompetently led - has thus far failed utterly to cope with the scope of the catastrophe.
Actions have consequences. What you see on your television today is not some wild accident, but is a disaster that could have been averted had the priorities of this government been more in line with the needs of the people it pretends to serve. The city of New Orleans, home to so much of the culture that makes America unique and beautiful, is today drowning underneath an avalanche of polluted, diseased water. This, simply, did not have to happen.
Remember that the next time you hear Bush talk about noble causes, national priorities and responsibility. This has been an administration of death, disaster, fear and woe. The whole pack of them should be run out of Washington on a rail. Better yet, they should be air-dropped into the center of New Orleans and made to see and smell and touch and taste the newest disaster they have helped to create.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
William Rivers Pitt is a New York Times and internationally
bestselling author of two books: War on Iraq: What Team Bush Doesn't Want You to Know and The Greatest Sedition Is Silence.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
bless them all
this is the difference between sad and pathetic. the tragic aftermath of katrina is wearing me down. i haven't felt this sad and distracted since 9|11. for anyone who's followed my saga for the past months -- this feeling makes more clear what i was experiencing when i was dealing with the brunt of my heartbreak of last winter -- that was pathetic. a sort of weak, self-pitying, ugly state of mind. miserable, yes, but nothing like this feeling.
a feeling of overwhelming loss. of connection. of awe.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WGUS84 KLIX 021902
FLSLIX
LAC051-071-031845-
FLOOD STATEMENT
NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE NEW ORLEANS-BATON ROUGE LA
ISSUED BY NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE MOBILE AL
200 PM CDT FRI SEP 2 2005
...WATER LEVELS IN NEW ORLEANS HAVE STABILIZED...
...UNPRECEDENTED FLOODING WILL CONTINUE IN THE NEW ORLEANS AREA FOR
THE FORESEEABLE FUTURE...
OFFICIAL REPORTS CONTINUE TO INDICATE THAT NEW ORLEANS WATER LEVELS
HAVE STABILIZED. HOWEVER...CATASTROPHIC FLOODING CONTINUES OVER A
LARGE PART OF THE GREATER NEW ORLEANS AREA.
OBVIOUSLY...THE FLOODING IS NOT LIMITED ONLY TO THE CITY OF NEW
ORLEANS. AREA RIVER FLOOD INFORMATION (INCLUDING SOUTHEASTERN
MISSISSIPPI) IS BEING PASSED ALONG IN THE PRODUCTS NEWFLWLIX AND
BHMFLWMOB. THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE OFFICE IN MOBILE ALABAMA IS
ALSO UPDATING THE NEW ORLEANS AREA FLOOD SITUATION VIA THE DAILY
HAZARDOUS WEATHER OUTLOOK PRODUCT NEWHWOLIX.
IN THE EVENT THAT A SITUATION ARISES FOR A CIVIL EMERGENCY MESSAGE
...PLEASE SEE THE PRODUCT NEWCEMLIX.
THIS PRODUCT WILL BE UPDATED APPROXIMATELY EVERY 12 TO 24 HOURS...OR
IMMEDIATELY ...IF LATE BREAKING FLOOD INFORMATION BECOMES AVAILABLE.
MEDLIN
$$
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
it's all so awful. i was on this page, and i was clicking on the various links to parish information. they're frozen -- if you can get to a page at all, it's stopped in time -- the last updates happened before katrina struck.
calendars still show events scheduled for the rest of the year.
no one alive ever expects life to change immeasurably, to be transformed so completely, so terribly, in so little time.
it reminds me too much of the days and weeks immediately following 9|11. you click on a link to a site you used to visit, and you get that error message, which you typically can ignore. if you didn't know any better, you'd just think the server was down.
but now, you get it. and you can see images. the server's down, alright. it's gone. the building it was in is gone. everything's wet, or crushed, or covered in water, completely submerged. it's awful. destroyed. uprooted.
schools are closed "until further notice."
it's all too awful.
this is the difference between sad and pathetic. the tragic aftermath of katrina is wearing me down. i haven't felt this sad and distracted since 9|11. for anyone who's followed my saga for the past months -- this feeling makes more clear what i was experiencing when i was dealing with the brunt of my heartbreak of last winter -- that was pathetic. a sort of weak, self-pitying, ugly state of mind. miserable, yes, but nothing like this feeling.
a feeling of overwhelming loss. of connection. of awe.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WGUS84 KLIX 021902
FLSLIX
LAC051-071-031845-
FLOOD STATEMENT
NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE NEW ORLEANS-BATON ROUGE LA
ISSUED BY NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE MOBILE AL
200 PM CDT FRI SEP 2 2005
...WATER LEVELS IN NEW ORLEANS HAVE STABILIZED...
...UNPRECEDENTED FLOODING WILL CONTINUE IN THE NEW ORLEANS AREA FOR
THE FORESEEABLE FUTURE...
OFFICIAL REPORTS CONTINUE TO INDICATE THAT NEW ORLEANS WATER LEVELS
HAVE STABILIZED. HOWEVER...CATASTROPHIC FLOODING CONTINUES OVER A
LARGE PART OF THE GREATER NEW ORLEANS AREA.
OBVIOUSLY...THE FLOODING IS NOT LIMITED ONLY TO THE CITY OF NEW
ORLEANS. AREA RIVER FLOOD INFORMATION (INCLUDING SOUTHEASTERN
MISSISSIPPI) IS BEING PASSED ALONG IN THE PRODUCTS NEWFLWLIX AND
BHMFLWMOB. THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE OFFICE IN MOBILE ALABAMA IS
ALSO UPDATING THE NEW ORLEANS AREA FLOOD SITUATION VIA THE DAILY
HAZARDOUS WEATHER OUTLOOK PRODUCT NEWHWOLIX.
IN THE EVENT THAT A SITUATION ARISES FOR A CIVIL EMERGENCY MESSAGE
...PLEASE SEE THE PRODUCT NEWCEMLIX.
THIS PRODUCT WILL BE UPDATED APPROXIMATELY EVERY 12 TO 24 HOURS...OR
IMMEDIATELY ...IF LATE BREAKING FLOOD INFORMATION BECOMES AVAILABLE.
MEDLIN
$$
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
it's all so awful. i was on this page, and i was clicking on the various links to parish information. they're frozen -- if you can get to a page at all, it's stopped in time -- the last updates happened before katrina struck.
calendars still show events scheduled for the rest of the year.
no one alive ever expects life to change immeasurably, to be transformed so completely, so terribly, in so little time.
it reminds me too much of the days and weeks immediately following 9|11. you click on a link to a site you used to visit, and you get that error message, which you typically can ignore. if you didn't know any better, you'd just think the server was down.
but now, you get it. and you can see images. the server's down, alright. it's gone. the building it was in is gone. everything's wet, or crushed, or covered in water, completely submerged. it's awful. destroyed. uprooted.
schools are closed "until further notice."
it's all too awful.
9.01.2005
katrina, correspondences
On 8/31/05, someone wrote:
"Some of you may have seen this, but for those of you that haven't, here is a tale of two pictures. This really pisses me off. Read the captions.
black
white
Regardless of the fact that much of the "looting" going on in New Orleans is purely just to, you know, SURVIVE, to me, this just adds to the problem. It implies, if you're white, it's "finding bread in a grocery store", but if you're black, it's "looting". Words are powerful weapons, and in a tragedy of such proportions, the problem of "looting" should be low on the priority list. People, of all races, and all creeds, etc., are in a "liquid hell" right now, as water keeps pouring into an overflowing bowl called New Orleans. There is no drinkable water, food is very scarce, and thousands of people are trapped, just trying to survive. That's the story here. Not trying to draw up racial stereotyping through journalism.
I watched on CNN today as a (white) reporter was asking someone (who was African-American) why they were taking food from a store. At first they didn't answer. Then the reporter self-righteously asked, "Don't you know that stealing is wrong?" Then the person answered, "I'm just trying to survive. I have eaten in two days, and I'm hungry."
Yes, taking appliances in a disaster like this could be defined as looting. But it seems to me that people taking food, bottled water, and clothes from stores, are trying to SURVIVE. The realities and niceties of "modern society" and "civilization" are on temporary hiatus, as the city of New Orleans slowly sinks underwater, and any hope of help or rescue is uncertain at best. Are there members the media really holier-than-thou, that they would on principle, starve to death, rather than take a food from an abandoned grocery store, to live, because stealing is 'wrong'?"
someone else wrote:
"'....the Mayor has now pulled 1500 police off of search and rescue and ordered them to restore order. Whatever that means.
Order in the midst of starvation and crisis. This is a disaster and pretty poor reflection on all of this Homeland Security junk that billions have been spent on. These plans don't have evacuation procedures, or don't the procedures include the poor?...
...What can we do about this? Do we just have to sit here and be angry and cry (like me). How do we make a difference and be heard."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
my response:
We're all feeling the impact of this tragedy. It's an awful, awful thing.
If I may say something: One of the many lessons I learned when our nation went through its last tragedy was that it does no good to add to the outrage, regardless of one's intentions. When people are suffering, they need help and support. Everything else is irrelevant.
Do what you can do and what you need to do. In the weeks and months after 9|11, I remember my own absolute -- I don't know what to call it -- confusion, disbelief, shock -- at how many people I met and talked to at the time really didn't seem to feel anything at all. Their experience appeared to me to be limited to understanding that our nation had been attacked, that many people had died, and that it was a shame -- but that it was over, so let's get on with life. To this day, I don't know if this behavior was some form of denial -- an emotional shield instinctively erected by their subconscious to protect them from the sheer pain and sorrow of the event -- or whether they were too caught up in their own lives at the time, or whether they just didn't know how to talk about it, or whether they'd never dealt personally with any kind of emotional trauma, or whether I lack some normal set of filters that would otherwise have given me the tools to process it differently, some might say "normally" -- I don't know.
What I know: About a month after the attacks, I went to New York. I walked the streets. I saw the signs. I breathed the air, which still smelled like wet, burnt newspaper. It helped me to see the people of the city, bravely moving on, facing the days after, carrying on despite knowing that their city, and their lives, had been changed irreparably forever. I saw the sorrow and the loss in the faces of the police who were guarding the perimeters, trying to keep order so workers and volunteers could do their critical and terrible jobs, and to protect a massive crime scene. I saw the site from blocks away, and I cried. I left flowers, and I paid my respects. It didn't help anything, but it helped me.
When I got back, some of the people I told about my experience couldn't understand why anyone would go to the site. I didn't understand them then, and I still don't understand them now. Theirs was not my experience; it took me months to stop feeling the pain, to stop obsessively following the news, and about two years to stop actively grieving. But I still feel it. And I like to think that I carry some pieces of some of those lost souls with me, that by being there, by paying witness and breathing the air, that I helped them to move on.
As for the media: remember who we're dealing with, and what their objective is. Sure, they deserve criticism -- but no more today than any other day. Remember that they don't really care if they offend you, or piss you off -- as long as they have your eyes, they have achieved their objective. No amount of reporters and cameras can come close to conveying the extent of what is happening. There is simply too much. There are too many people, there are too many stories. If you're truly interested, fortunately, there are lots of alternative sources of information available (search Google for blogs related to Katrina, for starters). I merely wish to suggest that you try -- hard as it is -- *not* to have your true feelings influenced by the words and images you see and hear in the media -- because it is only a part of the story. A small, small, detached and diluted part.
Hang in there. We're Americans. God bless our brothers and sisters as they face this mess.
Namaste.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
a response to me from the initial correspondent:
"Very well said. Very well said, indeed. Yes, as many of you know, it doesn't take much to set my outrage alarm off. And yesterday, as with 9/11, I was in full outrage mode, at the media, which as you rightly point out, is only bits and pieces of the full picture. The full picture is a catastrophe of literally "unbelievable" proportions. Even now, whatever picture I have in mind, is probably only half as terrifying, half as harrowing, and half as horrible as the real-life struggles of thousands of people going on in the Gulf States as we speak.
As to what can be done, you are right. Do what you can. I don't know what I can do personally to help all the people affected, (Realistically I know I can't help everyone), but I can only concentrate on what I can do to help. I donated some money to the Red Cross. I will probably do so next week, or in a few weeks. If the call comes for canned food and water, I will send what I can. That's all I can do in the end.
Despite my Don-Quixote-like proclamations, there are times I can see reality staring at me in the face. This is one of those times. I'm not Superman, I'm just [me]. It's tough enough being me, so all I can do is help out the best I can with the talents and resources available to me. My heart and my soul weeps for the thousands of people who lost their lives, who are hurt, and who are struggling through what seems like something out a post-apocalyptic movie. I am with them in spirit, and I know that's not enough, but it's what I can do. So that's what I'll try to do.
I can carry my outrage at certain things with me, but what this boils down to is a human tragedy, and a trial of the human spirit in general. Humanity can be a great and terrible thing. Let's hope that out of this tragedy, ultimately, the greatness of the human spirit, and love, and generosity will rule the day over the terribleness and destructiveness part of the human spirit.
Despite what's going on in our country today, I still believe in the fundamental belief that humanity, despite all its flaws, it at its core an agent for justice and love. So I'll do what I can, and keep that fire of belief in my heart that the goodness of humanity will shine through, and ultimately help everyone recover and rebuild from this terrible tragedy.
Peace."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
would that all dialogues ended this way.
On 8/31/05, someone wrote:
"Some of you may have seen this, but for those of you that haven't, here is a tale of two pictures. This really pisses me off. Read the captions.
black
white
Regardless of the fact that much of the "looting" going on in New Orleans is purely just to, you know, SURVIVE, to me, this just adds to the problem. It implies, if you're white, it's "finding bread in a grocery store", but if you're black, it's "looting". Words are powerful weapons, and in a tragedy of such proportions, the problem of "looting" should be low on the priority list. People, of all races, and all creeds, etc., are in a "liquid hell" right now, as water keeps pouring into an overflowing bowl called New Orleans. There is no drinkable water, food is very scarce, and thousands of people are trapped, just trying to survive. That's the story here. Not trying to draw up racial stereotyping through journalism.
I watched on CNN today as a (white) reporter was asking someone (who was African-American) why they were taking food from a store. At first they didn't answer. Then the reporter self-righteously asked, "Don't you know that stealing is wrong?" Then the person answered, "I'm just trying to survive. I have eaten in two days, and I'm hungry."
Yes, taking appliances in a disaster like this could be defined as looting. But it seems to me that people taking food, bottled water, and clothes from stores, are trying to SURVIVE. The realities and niceties of "modern society" and "civilization" are on temporary hiatus, as the city of New Orleans slowly sinks underwater, and any hope of help or rescue is uncertain at best. Are there members the media really holier-than-thou, that they would on principle, starve to death, rather than take a food from an abandoned grocery store, to live, because stealing is 'wrong'?"
someone else wrote:
"'....the Mayor has now pulled 1500 police off of search and rescue and ordered them to restore order. Whatever that means.
Order in the midst of starvation and crisis. This is a disaster and pretty poor reflection on all of this Homeland Security junk that billions have been spent on. These plans don't have evacuation procedures, or don't the procedures include the poor?...
...What can we do about this? Do we just have to sit here and be angry and cry (like me). How do we make a difference and be heard."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
my response:
We're all feeling the impact of this tragedy. It's an awful, awful thing.
If I may say something: One of the many lessons I learned when our nation went through its last tragedy was that it does no good to add to the outrage, regardless of one's intentions. When people are suffering, they need help and support. Everything else is irrelevant.
Do what you can do and what you need to do. In the weeks and months after 9|11, I remember my own absolute -- I don't know what to call it -- confusion, disbelief, shock -- at how many people I met and talked to at the time really didn't seem to feel anything at all. Their experience appeared to me to be limited to understanding that our nation had been attacked, that many people had died, and that it was a shame -- but that it was over, so let's get on with life. To this day, I don't know if this behavior was some form of denial -- an emotional shield instinctively erected by their subconscious to protect them from the sheer pain and sorrow of the event -- or whether they were too caught up in their own lives at the time, or whether they just didn't know how to talk about it, or whether they'd never dealt personally with any kind of emotional trauma, or whether I lack some normal set of filters that would otherwise have given me the tools to process it differently, some might say "normally" -- I don't know.
What I know: About a month after the attacks, I went to New York. I walked the streets. I saw the signs. I breathed the air, which still smelled like wet, burnt newspaper. It helped me to see the people of the city, bravely moving on, facing the days after, carrying on despite knowing that their city, and their lives, had been changed irreparably forever. I saw the sorrow and the loss in the faces of the police who were guarding the perimeters, trying to keep order so workers and volunteers could do their critical and terrible jobs, and to protect a massive crime scene. I saw the site from blocks away, and I cried. I left flowers, and I paid my respects. It didn't help anything, but it helped me.
When I got back, some of the people I told about my experience couldn't understand why anyone would go to the site. I didn't understand them then, and I still don't understand them now. Theirs was not my experience; it took me months to stop feeling the pain, to stop obsessively following the news, and about two years to stop actively grieving. But I still feel it. And I like to think that I carry some pieces of some of those lost souls with me, that by being there, by paying witness and breathing the air, that I helped them to move on.
As for the media: remember who we're dealing with, and what their objective is. Sure, they deserve criticism -- but no more today than any other day. Remember that they don't really care if they offend you, or piss you off -- as long as they have your eyes, they have achieved their objective. No amount of reporters and cameras can come close to conveying the extent of what is happening. There is simply too much. There are too many people, there are too many stories. If you're truly interested, fortunately, there are lots of alternative sources of information available (search Google for blogs related to Katrina, for starters). I merely wish to suggest that you try -- hard as it is -- *not* to have your true feelings influenced by the words and images you see and hear in the media -- because it is only a part of the story. A small, small, detached and diluted part.
Hang in there. We're Americans. God bless our brothers and sisters as they face this mess.
Namaste.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
a response to me from the initial correspondent:
"Very well said. Very well said, indeed. Yes, as many of you know, it doesn't take much to set my outrage alarm off. And yesterday, as with 9/11, I was in full outrage mode, at the media, which as you rightly point out, is only bits and pieces of the full picture. The full picture is a catastrophe of literally "unbelievable" proportions. Even now, whatever picture I have in mind, is probably only half as terrifying, half as harrowing, and half as horrible as the real-life struggles of thousands of people going on in the Gulf States as we speak.
As to what can be done, you are right. Do what you can. I don't know what I can do personally to help all the people affected, (Realistically I know I can't help everyone), but I can only concentrate on what I can do to help. I donated some money to the Red Cross. I will probably do so next week, or in a few weeks. If the call comes for canned food and water, I will send what I can. That's all I can do in the end.
Despite my Don-Quixote-like proclamations, there are times I can see reality staring at me in the face. This is one of those times. I'm not Superman, I'm just [me]. It's tough enough being me, so all I can do is help out the best I can with the talents and resources available to me. My heart and my soul weeps for the thousands of people who lost their lives, who are hurt, and who are struggling through what seems like something out a post-apocalyptic movie. I am with them in spirit, and I know that's not enough, but it's what I can do. So that's what I'll try to do.
I can carry my outrage at certain things with me, but what this boils down to is a human tragedy, and a trial of the human spirit in general. Humanity can be a great and terrible thing. Let's hope that out of this tragedy, ultimately, the greatness of the human spirit, and love, and generosity will rule the day over the terribleness and destructiveness part of the human spirit.
Despite what's going on in our country today, I still believe in the fundamental belief that humanity, despite all its flaws, it at its core an agent for justice and love. So I'll do what I can, and keep that fire of belief in my heart that the goodness of humanity will shine through, and ultimately help everyone recover and rebuild from this terrible tragedy.
Peace."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
would that all dialogues ended this way.
8.24.2005
a letter from my unconscious
Cypriot!
*where are you?!?!* i don't even know why we are together, but we are, on a train to moscow. we arrive, and have tickets to see the opera. as soon as we get off the train, you disappear, with your camera. it is foggy and damp. i find my ticket in my pocket, and worry because the stub is already torn off. but i have both parts and they let me in. it's not the opera, though -- it's tori amos, playing with someone else, to a young crowd. in the middle of a song, people start joining the band onstage, two at a time, and vomiting. it is the strangest thing i have ever seen, and i leave. outside the auditorium, people are wandering around in puke-splashed clothes. the smell is awful. i don't know where our room is, but some guy tells me and i go there. your things are there, but you are gone. i pick up your phone, and see that it is full of txt msgs to men i don't know, telling them how you love them, describing some location where you say you will "make it my base, and i will soul and mate from here." what is wrong with you, i wonder? why are you so callous towards me? why did you come here with me if you didn't want to be with me?
i don't know what to do. i think that i will take your phone, throw it into the cold river, and when you return looking for it, i will tell you i don't know anything about it. we were supposed to see the onion-shaped rooftops together. and now you are gone again.
Cypriot!
*where are you?!?!* i don't even know why we are together, but we are, on a train to moscow. we arrive, and have tickets to see the opera. as soon as we get off the train, you disappear, with your camera. it is foggy and damp. i find my ticket in my pocket, and worry because the stub is already torn off. but i have both parts and they let me in. it's not the opera, though -- it's tori amos, playing with someone else, to a young crowd. in the middle of a song, people start joining the band onstage, two at a time, and vomiting. it is the strangest thing i have ever seen, and i leave. outside the auditorium, people are wandering around in puke-splashed clothes. the smell is awful. i don't know where our room is, but some guy tells me and i go there. your things are there, but you are gone. i pick up your phone, and see that it is full of txt msgs to men i don't know, telling them how you love them, describing some location where you say you will "make it my base, and i will soul and mate from here." what is wrong with you, i wonder? why are you so callous towards me? why did you come here with me if you didn't want to be with me?
i don't know what to do. i think that i will take your phone, throw it into the cold river, and when you return looking for it, i will tell you i don't know anything about it. we were supposed to see the onion-shaped rooftops together. and now you are gone again.
8.23.2005
more horsocopic visions....
ya know, this shit rings true enough -- but it doesn't make my existence any easier.
8/23/05
Thank goodness for types like you -- you've never been afraid to be different, and it's just that quality that will help you get your radical ideas implemented. Others might be afraid to change, but you're something of a visionary and you can see which way the tide is turning before just about anyone else. You stand apart from the pack in your ability to think ahead and think about what will make things better in the long run.
8/22/05
You're rebellious, you're quirky, you're eccentric, and one of the things you're most eccentric about is your unwavering commitment on how to make this world a better place. To you it's not a corny or impractical sentiment at all, but an endlessly fascinating puzzle to be tackled over and over again. Right now you've got innovative ideas aplenty on how to improve things for everyone here on this tiny blue marble.
so, yeah -- yee-ha for people like me.
ya know, this shit rings true enough -- but it doesn't make my existence any easier.
8/23/05
Thank goodness for types like you -- you've never been afraid to be different, and it's just that quality that will help you get your radical ideas implemented. Others might be afraid to change, but you're something of a visionary and you can see which way the tide is turning before just about anyone else. You stand apart from the pack in your ability to think ahead and think about what will make things better in the long run.
8/22/05
You're rebellious, you're quirky, you're eccentric, and one of the things you're most eccentric about is your unwavering commitment on how to make this world a better place. To you it's not a corny or impractical sentiment at all, but an endlessly fascinating puzzle to be tackled over and over again. Right now you've got innovative ideas aplenty on how to improve things for everyone here on this tiny blue marble.
so, yeah -- yee-ha for people like me.
8.01.2005
being single
i don't think i ask for much. at 43, i know what i want, and what i don't want. it's the downside to being experienced, i suppose. a confession: i've never slept with anyone who i wasn't attracted to; i've only slept with a few women who i didn't care deeply for. and i've apparently never experienced that anything-on-two-legs level of horniness. i do care what you look like. i don't do the bag over the head thing. call me superficial, but i'm only being honest. and i want the same.
i want honesty in a nice package. seems a fair request: a pretty woman with a brain. (some fine examples here and here. - ed.)
but let's define pretty, because it's apparently a more subjective term than i thought. pretty is: nice hair, nice feet, interesting eyes, nice body, nice voice. good limbs. intelligent. good teeth. honest smile.
pretty is not: a sweet face on a super-sized body. an obnoxious laugh. bad teeth. bad hair. bad shoes. dressing like a mom. not dressing your age. an annoying voice. a nice personality in a road-weary package. sorry, but it just doesn't work for me.
so -- i'll continue playing with online dating sites. but i want pics before dates. and if you really really don't have one -- shame on you! -- you still might be able to coax me out to meet you, but don't be surprised if i want really specific answers to questions about your appearance beforehand. i'm just meeting too many nice people who i'm not attracted to. not that there's anything wrong with that, but i'm not made of money, and if i'm gonna take the time to come out and buy you dinner or a few upscale beverages, i'd at least like to enjoy watching you enjoy it. it's only fair.
eeh. i can hear the whining already. cut it out. i'm not hiding anything. i like pretty women. it's a preference. we all have them. clickage results from a mutually pleasurable interaction of respective preferences.
weekend notes
worked the county fair from 5-8 friday and saturday. i kinda look forward to fair season, though i may have outgrown it. it is what it is, i suppose. the busty babes still turn out, though it turns out they're mostly of mid-puberty age, and those of a more appropriate vintage tend to fall in three categories: coupled; single, but kid-laden; or white trash. oh well.
dancer notes
hung out with R. and D. a bit on saturday after the fair. place was kinda dead, but was nice to see them. the new barmaid t. seems to be warming up. R. was taking it easy, and D. wasn't drinking at all, but they were in good spirits. some guy who goes by "moon" dropped in -- a hardcore biker making his saturday night rounds of the watering holes.
one of the bouncers had to carry a. out and take her home. a's a gorgeous 18-yr-old dancer -- been there a few months. so full of energy that the other girls call her "spunky." spunky's all energy and muscle -- but for the past week or so, she's really looked like hell (for her, that is -- your average girl would still look drop-dead gorgeous if she looked anything like a.). i asked her how she was feeling, and she said she knew her sugar was low -- apparently she's diabetic. said she hasn't been sleeping well, or eating right -- no time to buy groceries, she said, so she sleeps half the day and when she wakes up, eats junk food. it's sad. she's apparently taking care of her whole family, because mom's a lost cause, or something. not that a's without her own challenges; D. mentioned that his kids are so bad about doing dishes that they only have paper plates and styrofoam cups in the house, and a. told a story about how she won't do dishes -- as a kid, her mom tried to make her do them, and she chose instead to smash plates and glasses at the wall to get rid of them instead of washing them. anyway, she stopped by to say hi, and i told her she looked tired, and she told me she felt like she was gonna pass out, and i told her i hoped she felt better, and she gave me a nice hug, kissed me on the cheek and said "thanks." about an hour later, she passed out in the dressing room. i hope she's ok.
heard that another dancer's mom's house burned down, apparently. like most of them, c's hot as hell, but a complete train wreck -- numerous kids without daddies, substance abuse, irresponsible -- the whole nine yards. i don't know how these girls are going to make it out of their 20's, let alone their 30's.
i don't think i ask for much. at 43, i know what i want, and what i don't want. it's the downside to being experienced, i suppose. a confession: i've never slept with anyone who i wasn't attracted to; i've only slept with a few women who i didn't care deeply for. and i've apparently never experienced that anything-on-two-legs level of horniness. i do care what you look like. i don't do the bag over the head thing. call me superficial, but i'm only being honest. and i want the same.
i want honesty in a nice package. seems a fair request: a pretty woman with a brain. (some fine examples here and here. - ed.)
but let's define pretty, because it's apparently a more subjective term than i thought. pretty is: nice hair, nice feet, interesting eyes, nice body, nice voice. good limbs. intelligent. good teeth. honest smile.
pretty is not: a sweet face on a super-sized body. an obnoxious laugh. bad teeth. bad hair. bad shoes. dressing like a mom. not dressing your age. an annoying voice. a nice personality in a road-weary package. sorry, but it just doesn't work for me.
so -- i'll continue playing with online dating sites. but i want pics before dates. and if you really really don't have one -- shame on you! -- you still might be able to coax me out to meet you, but don't be surprised if i want really specific answers to questions about your appearance beforehand. i'm just meeting too many nice people who i'm not attracted to. not that there's anything wrong with that, but i'm not made of money, and if i'm gonna take the time to come out and buy you dinner or a few upscale beverages, i'd at least like to enjoy watching you enjoy it. it's only fair.
eeh. i can hear the whining already. cut it out. i'm not hiding anything. i like pretty women. it's a preference. we all have them. clickage results from a mutually pleasurable interaction of respective preferences.
weekend notes
worked the county fair from 5-8 friday and saturday. i kinda look forward to fair season, though i may have outgrown it. it is what it is, i suppose. the busty babes still turn out, though it turns out they're mostly of mid-puberty age, and those of a more appropriate vintage tend to fall in three categories: coupled; single, but kid-laden; or white trash. oh well.
dancer notes
hung out with R. and D. a bit on saturday after the fair. place was kinda dead, but was nice to see them. the new barmaid t. seems to be warming up. R. was taking it easy, and D. wasn't drinking at all, but they were in good spirits. some guy who goes by "moon" dropped in -- a hardcore biker making his saturday night rounds of the watering holes.
one of the bouncers had to carry a. out and take her home. a's a gorgeous 18-yr-old dancer -- been there a few months. so full of energy that the other girls call her "spunky." spunky's all energy and muscle -- but for the past week or so, she's really looked like hell (for her, that is -- your average girl would still look drop-dead gorgeous if she looked anything like a.). i asked her how she was feeling, and she said she knew her sugar was low -- apparently she's diabetic. said she hasn't been sleeping well, or eating right -- no time to buy groceries, she said, so she sleeps half the day and when she wakes up, eats junk food. it's sad. she's apparently taking care of her whole family, because mom's a lost cause, or something. not that a's without her own challenges; D. mentioned that his kids are so bad about doing dishes that they only have paper plates and styrofoam cups in the house, and a. told a story about how she won't do dishes -- as a kid, her mom tried to make her do them, and she chose instead to smash plates and glasses at the wall to get rid of them instead of washing them. anyway, she stopped by to say hi, and i told her she looked tired, and she told me she felt like she was gonna pass out, and i told her i hoped she felt better, and she gave me a nice hug, kissed me on the cheek and said "thanks." about an hour later, she passed out in the dressing room. i hope she's ok.
heard that another dancer's mom's house burned down, apparently. like most of them, c's hot as hell, but a complete train wreck -- numerous kids without daddies, substance abuse, irresponsible -- the whole nine yards. i don't know how these girls are going to make it out of their 20's, let alone their 30's.
7.28.2005
conversations with strippers, part 2
l. is getting married on saturday. sweet girl, i've missed her. she's been away for a few months -- had a baby, and then spent a few months in jail. for traffic violations. *shakes head* crazy girls.
nice to have her back. she used to have tightly cropped, short dark hair, which gave her a kind of hot, punky slutgirl look. now her hair's longer and streaked. looks pretty. she said she had to let it grow because she couldn't use a blow dryer in prison.
new barmaid, t. jury's still out on this one. seems ok, but we all still miss tr., though she still comes in pretty regularly. apparently she's working at two other places in town now.
l. is getting married on saturday. sweet girl, i've missed her. she's been away for a few months -- had a baby, and then spent a few months in jail. for traffic violations. *shakes head* crazy girls.
nice to have her back. she used to have tightly cropped, short dark hair, which gave her a kind of hot, punky slutgirl look. now her hair's longer and streaked. looks pretty. she said she had to let it grow because she couldn't use a blow dryer in prison.
new barmaid, t. jury's still out on this one. seems ok, but we all still miss tr., though she still comes in pretty regularly. apparently she's working at two other places in town now.
7.22.2005
the continuing adventure
she was referred to me by a colleague in my office, Melody, a dominatrix, in the least, i suspect. nice, interesting, but....no heat. so many of them have this, or rather lack this -- this heat, this to me essential trait, which makes the difference, really, in the end, as to whether or not i want to see you again.
and, earlier -- before the five or 6 odd bud lights, before the dancers, the girls, those sweet, young strong girls, the dancers, those dolls -- before them there was the second -- a social worker at a hospital. a nice girl. but -- no heat.
is there a possible unified theory of the universe? would it resemble this:
1) given -- once, we had any manner of substance produced of or from the earth, our mother, at our disposal, and
2) through the millenia, more and more of our god-given rights have been restricted and/or prohibited by our fellow man, frequently in the form of our so-called elected government, then
3) now, we crave what we once had, what once was ours, unquestionably -- be that beers at eight pm, or martinis at nine-thirty, or dancers, or tapas, or good conversation and laughter, or pain killers, or aspirin, or exercise or heroin or sex or wine or (very) pretty (!) girls, nearly naked, smiling and dancing......
of course we crave these things. of course we do.
they stand in a line, fluid, single file, moving, each to the rhythm of their own precious soul, misguided perhaps, but no less precious, united only by the driving beat offered by the annoying dj, swaying, pumping, the beat and their legs, and hips, all hydraulic beauty, sculpted faces and silken hair, smooth brown skin taught over their abdomens, the lights flickering, flashing, lasers piercing the night floor.
the dance goes on.
she was referred to me by a colleague in my office, Melody, a dominatrix, in the least, i suspect. nice, interesting, but....no heat. so many of them have this, or rather lack this -- this heat, this to me essential trait, which makes the difference, really, in the end, as to whether or not i want to see you again.
and, earlier -- before the five or 6 odd bud lights, before the dancers, the girls, those sweet, young strong girls, the dancers, those dolls -- before them there was the second -- a social worker at a hospital. a nice girl. but -- no heat.
is there a possible unified theory of the universe? would it resemble this:
1) given -- once, we had any manner of substance produced of or from the earth, our mother, at our disposal, and
2) through the millenia, more and more of our god-given rights have been restricted and/or prohibited by our fellow man, frequently in the form of our so-called elected government, then
3) now, we crave what we once had, what once was ours, unquestionably -- be that beers at eight pm, or martinis at nine-thirty, or dancers, or tapas, or good conversation and laughter, or pain killers, or aspirin, or exercise or heroin or sex or wine or (very) pretty (!) girls, nearly naked, smiling and dancing......
of course we crave these things. of course we do.
they stand in a line, fluid, single file, moving, each to the rhythm of their own precious soul, misguided perhaps, but no less precious, united only by the driving beat offered by the annoying dj, swaying, pumping, the beat and their legs, and hips, all hydraulic beauty, sculpted faces and silken hair, smooth brown skin taught over their abdomens, the lights flickering, flashing, lasers piercing the night floor.
the dance goes on.
7.21.2005
cute
courtesy of AngelBrat....
Copy this entire list into your blog/journal.
BOLD everything about you that is true.
Leave plain anything that is false about you.
Put an asterisk (*) at the end of false statements you would LIKE to be true.
I am bi-sexual.
My spouse or lover is aware of my orientation.
My spouse or lover has watched me have sex with someone of my gender.
I have had sex while wearing a blindfold.
I have blindfolded someone else during sex.
I have had sex while watching porn.
I have had sex while surfing porn on the Internet.
I sleep better after sex.
There are some nights I cannot sleep without sex or masturbating.
The bed is NOT my most favorite place to have sex.
I am turned on knowing someone is watching me have sex.
I am turned on knowing someone is watching me masturbate.
I have masturbated for my spouse or lover while on the phone.
I have masturbated for someone over a web cam.
I have had sex over a web cam.
I will have sex with someone I just met if they turn me on. (once upon a time)
I have been tied up during sex.
I have had sex with someone who was tied up.
I have dripped wax onto a lover's body.
I have had a lover drip wax onto my body.
I have a foot fetish.
I have a leather fetish.
I have a tickle fetish.
I like being choked during sex.
I have had sex in a burning building.
I like having my nipples squeezed during sex.
I have erotic art on display somewhere in my residence.*
I enjoy nudie magazines.
Erotic toys are a regular part of my budget.
I think PLAYBOY is tame, maybe even boring.
I have clicked on porn links in my email.
I know the difference between girl/girl and lesbian sex in porn.*
I have watched more than one gay/lesbian porn video.
Much of what I know about sex comes from porn.
Interracial sex turns me on.
I have had interracial sex with someone of my gender.
I want my spouse or lover to have an interracial sex experience.
I want to watch my spouse or lover have an interracial sex experience.
I think we should do more to understand the cultures of sex.
I would participate in sex research given the opportunity.
My current lover does not sufficiently meet my sexual needs.
I currently have a "crush" on someone of the same sex.
I have had sex at my place of employment.
I have had sex with someone from [a former] place of employment.
I have had sex with a former co-worker of my gender.
I am often disappointed in my sexual relationships. (have been in the past)
Some people might describe me as a nymphomaniac.
I am difficult to live with if I'm not having sex on a regular basis.
I sleep better with someone snuggled up next to me.*
I have had sex under water.
I have had sex in the snow.*
I am in a polyamorous relationship.
I have to have music playing while having sex.
I have had more than ten orgasms in one night.
I have flashed strangers.
I have given sex as a gift.
I have set-up a three-way for my lover.
I stopped during this list to have sex.*
courtesy of AngelBrat....
Copy this entire list into your blog/journal.
BOLD everything about you that is true.
Leave plain anything that is false about you.
Put an asterisk (*) at the end of false statements you would LIKE to be true.
I am bi-sexual.
My spouse or lover is aware of my orientation.
My spouse or lover has watched me have sex with someone of my gender.
I have had sex while wearing a blindfold.
I have blindfolded someone else during sex.
I have had sex while watching porn.
I have had sex while surfing porn on the Internet.
I sleep better after sex.
There are some nights I cannot sleep without sex or masturbating.
The bed is NOT my most favorite place to have sex.
I am turned on knowing someone is watching me have sex.
I am turned on knowing someone is watching me masturbate.
I have masturbated for my spouse or lover while on the phone.
I have masturbated for someone over a web cam.
I have had sex over a web cam.
I will have sex with someone I just met if they turn me on. (once upon a time)
I have been tied up during sex.
I have had sex with someone who was tied up.
I have dripped wax onto a lover's body.
I have had a lover drip wax onto my body.
I have a foot fetish.
I have a leather fetish.
I have a tickle fetish.
I like being choked during sex.
I have had sex in a burning building.
I like having my nipples squeezed during sex.
I have erotic art on display somewhere in my residence.*
I enjoy nudie magazines.
Erotic toys are a regular part of my budget.
I think PLAYBOY is tame, maybe even boring.
I have clicked on porn links in my email.
I know the difference between girl/girl and lesbian sex in porn.*
I have watched more than one gay/lesbian porn video.
Much of what I know about sex comes from porn.
Interracial sex turns me on.
I have had interracial sex with someone of my gender.
I want my spouse or lover to have an interracial sex experience.
I want to watch my spouse or lover have an interracial sex experience.
I think we should do more to understand the cultures of sex.
I would participate in sex research given the opportunity.
My current lover does not sufficiently meet my sexual needs.
I currently have a "crush" on someone of the same sex.
I have had sex at my place of employment.
I have had sex with someone from [a former] place of employment.
I have had sex with a former co-worker of my gender.
I am often disappointed in my sexual relationships. (have been in the past)
Some people might describe me as a nymphomaniac.
I am difficult to live with if I'm not having sex on a regular basis.
I sleep better with someone snuggled up next to me.*
I have had sex under water.
I have had sex in the snow.*
I am in a polyamorous relationship.
I have to have music playing while having sex.
I have had more than ten orgasms in one night.
I have flashed strangers.
I have given sex as a gift.
I have set-up a three-way for my lover.
I stopped during this list to have sex.*
7.19.2005
these feelings
"You know it ain't easy
For these thoughts here to leave me
There's no words to describe it
In French or in English
Well, diamonds they fade
And flowers they bloom
And I'm telling you
These feelings won't go away
They've been knockin' me sideways
They've been knockin' me out lately
Whenever you come around me
These feelings won't go away
They've been knockin' me sideways
I keep thinking in a moment that
Time will take them away
But these feelings won't go away"
- citizen cope, "The Clarence Greenwood Recordings"
"You know it ain't easy
For these thoughts here to leave me
There's no words to describe it
In French or in English
Well, diamonds they fade
And flowers they bloom
And I'm telling you
These feelings won't go away
They've been knockin' me sideways
They've been knockin' me out lately
Whenever you come around me
These feelings won't go away
They've been knockin' me sideways
I keep thinking in a moment that
Time will take them away
But these feelings won't go away"
- citizen cope, "The Clarence Greenwood Recordings"
7.18.2005
and our story continues...
the story continues, the story of the boy, i am lost, he thought, i am lost. returning from the old streets, having seen my dear longtime friends c. and m., radio tuned to the show called echoes, [reminds me that i gotta track something down from tonight's playlist. - ed.] which reminded me of another show called hearts of space, both of which i used to listen to on sunday evenings on the local non-profit radio station when i lived back in the city. it was nostalgic and somewhat bittersweet, reminding me of you, our times there together, as a couple. we had some good times there, you and i. you were usually happy when we went there. most of the times we went.
"i know you've moved on. don't ask me how, doll -- i just know. trust me. our spirits haven't been separated for long enough that i can't still feel these things. it's ok.
"really. try not to look surprised. i mean it. it's all ok. i hope you're well."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
and the horoscope says........(*drum roll*) --
the story continues, the story of the boy, i am lost, he thought, i am lost. returning from the old streets, having seen my dear longtime friends c. and m., radio tuned to the show called echoes, [reminds me that i gotta track something down from tonight's playlist. - ed.] which reminded me of another show called hearts of space, both of which i used to listen to on sunday evenings on the local non-profit radio station when i lived back in the city. it was nostalgic and somewhat bittersweet, reminding me of you, our times there together, as a couple. we had some good times there, you and i. you were usually happy when we went there. most of the times we went.
"i know you've moved on. don't ask me how, doll -- i just know. trust me. our spirits haven't been separated for long enough that i can't still feel these things. it's ok.
"really. try not to look surprised. i mean it. it's all ok. i hope you're well."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
and the horoscope says........(*drum roll*) --
Every now and then, the universe steps in, makes an executive decision, and forces us to take a right when we were absolutely sure we'd be taking a left. This is one of those times, and as sensitive as you are, you'll realize it as soon as you open your eyes this morning. So when you end up someplace you weren't supposed to be anywhere near, chatting with someone you feel an immediate affinity towards, you'll get it. You were supposed to meet.sounds scary, and yet......that's SO what i want!
7.10.2005
come out, come out wherever you are
Aquarius Horoscopeplease show up soon. i am unattached, and not in need of a new best friend, though i wouldn't turn one away. patience is not my strong suit as these things go.
You're not cold and impersonal, and you're probably quite tired of reading that astrological description of your sign. The truth is, you're just picky, and there's certainly nothing wrong with that. Once you find someone who measures up to your standards -- that is, someone who's entertaining, independent and intelligent -- you can be quite devoted. Someone who answers just that description may be along shortly. If you're already attached, prepare for a brand new best friend.
You're the kind of person who just can't settle for anything less than the whole shebang. That's the way you are on a daily basis, but the way you're feeling now ... well, let's just say that you won't even be able to convincingly fake being satisfied if you're not. And that will be true for just about any department of life. When it comes down to the issue of love, you really won't be up for pretending.yeah, that pretending thing. wonder if it is connected to the patience thing.
7.07.2005
jeff tweedy keeps talking to me
There's a whisper
I would like to breathe into your ear but
I'm too scared to
Get that close to you right now...
In the beginning we closed our eyes
Whenever we kissed
We were surprised to
Find so much inside
- Wilco, Pieholden Suite, on Summerteeth
There's a whisper
I would like to breathe into your ear but
I'm too scared to
Get that close to you right now...
In the beginning we closed our eyes
Whenever we kissed
We were surprised to
Find so much inside
- Wilco, Pieholden Suite, on Summerteeth
6.27.2005
my mind is filled with silvery stars
you'll never read this. you never read it before -- always mystified me. how could you know that your lover kept a blog and yet not want to know what he was writing about? i mean, it's almost like an open invitation to read someone's diary. you just weren't interested.
don't think for a minute that i'm enjoying myself over this. i hate it. i hate feeling empty, and i hate the cycle -- interrupted grieving, i guess. the sadness is real, and it's heavy, and it's inescapable. so i get angry about it to avoind feeling the sadness. this much you taught me -- anger feels better than sadness. i get that about depression now.
Cheer up, honey I hope you can
There is something wrong with me...
that's how it feels. feels like something's wrong with me. like i can't grow up, or i can't pay attention. like i have limited short-term memory. i intend to do something, and then i forget about it, do something else, remember the first thing i meant to do, forget what i was doing, then do something else entirely.
usually nothing.
Oh, distance has no way of making love understandable
Oh, distance has no way of making love understandable
Oh, distance has no way of making love understandable
Oh, distance has no way of making love understandable
Cheer up, honey I hope you can
sometimes, i don't want to try anymore. i just want to cry, and stop.
All my lies are always wishes
I know I would die if I could come back new
it doesn't mean that coming back new would kill you -- no. it means that if you knew you could come back new, you'd be willing to die for the chance.
that's how i feel.
Someone ties a bow
In my backyard to show me love
My voice is climbing walls
Smoking and I want love
My jaw's been broken
My heart is wrapped in ice
My fangs have been pulled
And I really want to see you tonight
and that's how i feel. i'm not the ranting, spurned, hurt lover anymore. i'm just sad, and i miss what we had. i know it's over. i know you're gone. i know you aren't coming back, and i know neither one of us has it in us to even think about trying again. i know that would be insane.
i forgot how long it would take me to heal.
i honestly thought going through 9|11 together had sealed our fate. had taught us the real meaning of love. it did for me, i thought. it was what finally kicked me in the ass to quit putting off proposing to you. confirmed for me once and for all how short life is, and how easily we can lose who we most love.
Our love
Our love
Our love is all we have
Our love
Our love is all of God's money
Everyone is a burning sun
Tall buildings shake
Voices escape singing sad sad songs
Tuned to chords strung down your cheeks
Bitter melodies turning your orbit around
i still feel like i lost you and i don't know why.
so, that's how i feel.
hope you're well,
a.
you'll never read this. you never read it before -- always mystified me. how could you know that your lover kept a blog and yet not want to know what he was writing about? i mean, it's almost like an open invitation to read someone's diary. you just weren't interested.
don't think for a minute that i'm enjoying myself over this. i hate it. i hate feeling empty, and i hate the cycle -- interrupted grieving, i guess. the sadness is real, and it's heavy, and it's inescapable. so i get angry about it to avoind feeling the sadness. this much you taught me -- anger feels better than sadness. i get that about depression now.
Cheer up, honey I hope you can
There is something wrong with me...
that's how it feels. feels like something's wrong with me. like i can't grow up, or i can't pay attention. like i have limited short-term memory. i intend to do something, and then i forget about it, do something else, remember the first thing i meant to do, forget what i was doing, then do something else entirely.
usually nothing.
Oh, distance has no way of making love understandable
Oh, distance has no way of making love understandable
Oh, distance has no way of making love understandable
Oh, distance has no way of making love understandable
Cheer up, honey I hope you can
sometimes, i don't want to try anymore. i just want to cry, and stop.
All my lies are always wishes
I know I would die if I could come back new
it doesn't mean that coming back new would kill you -- no. it means that if you knew you could come back new, you'd be willing to die for the chance.
that's how i feel.
Someone ties a bow
In my backyard to show me love
My voice is climbing walls
Smoking and I want love
My jaw's been broken
My heart is wrapped in ice
My fangs have been pulled
And I really want to see you tonight
and that's how i feel. i'm not the ranting, spurned, hurt lover anymore. i'm just sad, and i miss what we had. i know it's over. i know you're gone. i know you aren't coming back, and i know neither one of us has it in us to even think about trying again. i know that would be insane.
i forgot how long it would take me to heal.
i honestly thought going through 9|11 together had sealed our fate. had taught us the real meaning of love. it did for me, i thought. it was what finally kicked me in the ass to quit putting off proposing to you. confirmed for me once and for all how short life is, and how easily we can lose who we most love.
Our love
Our love
Our love is all we have
Our love
Our love is all of God's money
Everyone is a burning sun
Tall buildings shake
Voices escape singing sad sad songs
Tuned to chords strung down your cheeks
Bitter melodies turning your orbit around
i still feel like i lost you and i don't know why.
so, that's how i feel.
hope you're well,
a.
6.24.2005
re-impacting
ok. this is real. still real. all bullshit aside.
do you know -- do you have the slightest clue? -- how much you've hurt me?
pathetic, i am, to even post this. but it's true. this is real. this is true.
I am an American aquarium drinker
I assassin down the avenue
I'm hiding out in the big city blinking
What was I thinking when I let go of you?
i saw this. i had to look. because the reasons, the specifics of why you left me are so etched in my memory. i had to look. i don't know why i torture myself like this.
Let's forget about the tongue-tied lightning
Let's undress just like cross-eyed strangers
This is not a joke, so please stop smiling
What was I thinking when I said it didn't hurt?
i never said it didn't hurt. i've been tru to myself on that point. it hurt. it hurt so bad. it still hurts. and there you are, kissing some stranger. and looking good. great. beautiful. what the fuck happened to you, alison? god! what the fuck!?!??! we had so much, so special -- it was like nothing i've ever experienced.
I want to glide through those brown eyes dreaming
Take it from the inside, baby hold on tight
You were so right when you said that I've been drinking
What was I thinking when I said good night?
I want to hold you in the Bible-black predawn
You're quite a quiet domino, bury me now
Take off your Band-Aid because I don't believe in touchdowns
What was I thinking when I said hello?
I'd always thought that if I held you tightly
You'd always love me like you did back then
Then I fell asleep and the city kept blinking
What was I thinking when I let you back in?
i had to look. had to check back in. to see if what you left me for (ostensibly, for you, the fan of big-assed words) was actually real. and it wasn't. you dumbass. what happened? all of that intensity -- ? -- all for nothing. you aren't going to any damned dave shows. no pp05. nothing. you just left me. for nothing.
what, goddammit, do you have to show for it? what?!? and why am i so hung up on that?
I am trying to break your heart
I am trying to break your heart
But still I'd be lying if I said it wasn't easy
I am trying to break your heart
i do think that. my heart broke. twice. your heart didn't -- you wouldn't let it. that's what happened. that's the only explanation for how/why you could do this. your heart won't break because you're already broken, damn it.
i saw those pics and fell in love with you again. like falling in love with some unattainable person....like an actress, or some woman i'll never meet, yet who i've known in some dream, in a dream full of love. damn it. all of it. god damn it.
i loved you so much, alison.
i just loved you.
my heart still breaks. it still breaks.
Disposable Dixie-cup drinking
I assassin down the avenue
I'm hiding out in the big city blinking
What was I thinking when I let go of you?
loves you
I'm the man who loves you...
i've gotten rid of everything. i had to. everything. everything but you. you still live on, in my head, in my memory. in my heart, my blood.
all i did was love you. damn you. all i did. was love you. i think i get hung up on the whole thing -- the for what? thing -- because i really wish there had been some point to it all. because, damn it, as much as i feel like i don't even know you anymore, like we wouldn't have anything to talk about if we tried, like you're someone completely different from the woman i loved -- i care about you. i wish this had made you happy. i wish something good had come out of it.
but i can't see anything.
ok. this is real. still real. all bullshit aside.
do you know -- do you have the slightest clue? -- how much you've hurt me?
pathetic, i am, to even post this. but it's true. this is real. this is true.
I am an American aquarium drinker
I assassin down the avenue
I'm hiding out in the big city blinking
What was I thinking when I let go of you?
i saw this. i had to look. because the reasons, the specifics of why you left me are so etched in my memory. i had to look. i don't know why i torture myself like this.
Let's forget about the tongue-tied lightning
Let's undress just like cross-eyed strangers
This is not a joke, so please stop smiling
What was I thinking when I said it didn't hurt?
i never said it didn't hurt. i've been tru to myself on that point. it hurt. it hurt so bad. it still hurts. and there you are, kissing some stranger. and looking good. great. beautiful. what the fuck happened to you, alison? god! what the fuck!?!??! we had so much, so special -- it was like nothing i've ever experienced.
I want to glide through those brown eyes dreaming
Take it from the inside, baby hold on tight
You were so right when you said that I've been drinking
What was I thinking when I said good night?
I want to hold you in the Bible-black predawn
You're quite a quiet domino, bury me now
Take off your Band-Aid because I don't believe in touchdowns
What was I thinking when I said hello?
I'd always thought that if I held you tightly
You'd always love me like you did back then
Then I fell asleep and the city kept blinking
What was I thinking when I let you back in?
i had to look. had to check back in. to see if what you left me for (ostensibly, for you, the fan of big-assed words) was actually real. and it wasn't. you dumbass. what happened? all of that intensity -- ? -- all for nothing. you aren't going to any damned dave shows. no pp05. nothing. you just left me. for nothing.
what, goddammit, do you have to show for it? what?!? and why am i so hung up on that?
I am trying to break your heart
I am trying to break your heart
But still I'd be lying if I said it wasn't easy
I am trying to break your heart
i do think that. my heart broke. twice. your heart didn't -- you wouldn't let it. that's what happened. that's the only explanation for how/why you could do this. your heart won't break because you're already broken, damn it.
i saw those pics and fell in love with you again. like falling in love with some unattainable person....like an actress, or some woman i'll never meet, yet who i've known in some dream, in a dream full of love. damn it. all of it. god damn it.
i loved you so much, alison.
i just loved you.
my heart still breaks. it still breaks.
Disposable Dixie-cup drinking
I assassin down the avenue
I'm hiding out in the big city blinking
What was I thinking when I let go of you?
loves you
I'm the man who loves you...
i've gotten rid of everything. i had to. everything. everything but you. you still live on, in my head, in my memory. in my heart, my blood.
all i did was love you. damn you. all i did. was love you. i think i get hung up on the whole thing -- the for what? thing -- because i really wish there had been some point to it all. because, damn it, as much as i feel like i don't even know you anymore, like we wouldn't have anything to talk about if we tried, like you're someone completely different from the woman i loved -- i care about you. i wish this had made you happy. i wish something good had come out of it.
but i can't see anything.
6.02.2005
motivation
Today's Horoscope for Aquarius: Don't wait for life to happen to you. Make the life you want happen. Joseph Campbell called it following your bliss. Goethe said that once a definitive commitment was made, mighty forces would come to aid you. So what are you waiting for? There's a whole life out there waiting for you -- the life that you've always wanted. All you have to do is make that first, definitive movement toward it. Isn't life too short to waste?
eh. what exactly is the life that i've always wanted? yes, life is short. yes, this all makes sense. but what is it??
pretty sure this isn't it. pretty sure about that. pretty certain, in fact, that i would not have chosen to live my life in this lousy climate. know that i wouldn't have elected to be a single parent. know that i would not have elected to take the middle-class managerial job. well, maybe at some point i would have. maybe when i was 16 it sounded sweet. i'm not 16 though. i'm 43. maybe i had too many years of struggling in underpaid positions, looking at undeserving people in managerial roles, and envying their salaries. who knows.
then again, everything is a choice. i live here, despite being able to live elsewhere. so, that's kinda choosing to live here. i've chosen to commit myself to crazy women, so i've had crazy romantic r-ships, which have all ended poorly. and i'm a single parent, because of one of those relationships. and because i fought for custody -- so, denied the option of a stable nuclear family, i chose to be a single dad. i could stop working in this job, but i keep doing it. i look around, keep my ears open, but i can't find anything i'd rather do, without going broke or having to live poor again. it's like, i don't wanna do this anymore, but i don't wanna do that anymore, either.
and i'm feeling lonely. yet, it's because i chose to end the relationships with crazy people that i've been in.
oh, to be 23 again. i'd love to, if i could do it now -- not then. when i was 23, it wasn't that much fun being 23. i was poor, and naive. reagan was president, and america was no fun. girls were no fun. it was like everyone pretending it was the 50's again. everyone was dressing in khakis and buttondown shirts, with navy crew neck sweaters. everyone was neat, presentable. and if you weren't, you were weird. what everyone always overlooks about that whole golden 50's period is all of the bad shit -- the racism, the oppression of women and minorities, the crime, the corruption of government. the homeless. same probs that we have today. maybe worse then.
i mean, the 50's, after all, caused the 60's to happen. the 60's were a direct response of the young people and the disenfranchised to the accepted status quo of the 50's, to the us vs them dynamic of our culture.
the 60's ended too soon.
it seems a helluva lot more fun now. but, now, i have money. some, at least. and chicks are hotter. society's hotter.
what is my ideal life? what is the life that i've always wanted?
maybe you can tell me.
Today's Horoscope for Aquarius: Don't wait for life to happen to you. Make the life you want happen. Joseph Campbell called it following your bliss. Goethe said that once a definitive commitment was made, mighty forces would come to aid you. So what are you waiting for? There's a whole life out there waiting for you -- the life that you've always wanted. All you have to do is make that first, definitive movement toward it. Isn't life too short to waste?
eh. what exactly is the life that i've always wanted? yes, life is short. yes, this all makes sense. but what is it??
pretty sure this isn't it. pretty sure about that. pretty certain, in fact, that i would not have chosen to live my life in this lousy climate. know that i wouldn't have elected to be a single parent. know that i would not have elected to take the middle-class managerial job. well, maybe at some point i would have. maybe when i was 16 it sounded sweet. i'm not 16 though. i'm 43. maybe i had too many years of struggling in underpaid positions, looking at undeserving people in managerial roles, and envying their salaries. who knows.
then again, everything is a choice. i live here, despite being able to live elsewhere. so, that's kinda choosing to live here. i've chosen to commit myself to crazy women, so i've had crazy romantic r-ships, which have all ended poorly. and i'm a single parent, because of one of those relationships. and because i fought for custody -- so, denied the option of a stable nuclear family, i chose to be a single dad. i could stop working in this job, but i keep doing it. i look around, keep my ears open, but i can't find anything i'd rather do, without going broke or having to live poor again. it's like, i don't wanna do this anymore, but i don't wanna do that anymore, either.
and i'm feeling lonely. yet, it's because i chose to end the relationships with crazy people that i've been in.
oh, to be 23 again. i'd love to, if i could do it now -- not then. when i was 23, it wasn't that much fun being 23. i was poor, and naive. reagan was president, and america was no fun. girls were no fun. it was like everyone pretending it was the 50's again. everyone was dressing in khakis and buttondown shirts, with navy crew neck sweaters. everyone was neat, presentable. and if you weren't, you were weird. what everyone always overlooks about that whole golden 50's period is all of the bad shit -- the racism, the oppression of women and minorities, the crime, the corruption of government. the homeless. same probs that we have today. maybe worse then.
i mean, the 50's, after all, caused the 60's to happen. the 60's were a direct response of the young people and the disenfranchised to the accepted status quo of the 50's, to the us vs them dynamic of our culture.
the 60's ended too soon.
it seems a helluva lot more fun now. but, now, i have money. some, at least. and chicks are hotter. society's hotter.
what is my ideal life? what is the life that i've always wanted?
maybe you can tell me.
4.28.2005
alcohol is bad for you
mistake #1: despite all the voices telling me to lay low last night, i headed out after my workout. was feeling a little like a cold was coming on, but a barmaid i know had asked me the night before if i was going to be out, so i decided to stop by the bar she mentioned to see her. no one was there, so i headed to her bar. on the way, my son called to see where i was, and even he told me "do you really think that's a good idea if you feel like you're getting sick?" good kid. wise kid. but i told him i was fine and i'd see him later.
mistake #2: instead of the usual flow of awful bud lights, i decided to have capt morgan's and diet coke -- to avoid calories, of all things. i rarely ever drink anything other than beer when i'm out on the town, simply because beer is so much more totally manageable than booze.
mistake #3: so, like a fool, i start consuming these silly little cocktails like they are soft drinks. they are not. i'm fine for about two hours. the girls are chatty and wanting to talk more than usual, and i buy them many drinks. the regulars are amusing. we get some decent music on the new jukebox. and all of a sudden i'm trashed and everyone knows it. pretty funny. the barmaid gently but seriously tells me, "sit right here" and starts bringing me mugs of fresh coffee which i remember was pretty damned good.
after a few, i find the courage to say my goodnights. damn, everyone was so nice to me. they just took care of me like we were old friends. it was nice. i made it home and passed out.
it was fun, but i gotta stick to beer. *laughs*
mistake #1: despite all the voices telling me to lay low last night, i headed out after my workout. was feeling a little like a cold was coming on, but a barmaid i know had asked me the night before if i was going to be out, so i decided to stop by the bar she mentioned to see her. no one was there, so i headed to her bar. on the way, my son called to see where i was, and even he told me "do you really think that's a good idea if you feel like you're getting sick?" good kid. wise kid. but i told him i was fine and i'd see him later.
mistake #2: instead of the usual flow of awful bud lights, i decided to have capt morgan's and diet coke -- to avoid calories, of all things. i rarely ever drink anything other than beer when i'm out on the town, simply because beer is so much more totally manageable than booze.
mistake #3: so, like a fool, i start consuming these silly little cocktails like they are soft drinks. they are not. i'm fine for about two hours. the girls are chatty and wanting to talk more than usual, and i buy them many drinks. the regulars are amusing. we get some decent music on the new jukebox. and all of a sudden i'm trashed and everyone knows it. pretty funny. the barmaid gently but seriously tells me, "sit right here" and starts bringing me mugs of fresh coffee which i remember was pretty damned good.
after a few, i find the courage to say my goodnights. damn, everyone was so nice to me. they just took care of me like we were old friends. it was nice. i made it home and passed out.
it was fun, but i gotta stick to beer. *laughs*
3.29.2005
oh, how true, true, true...
true, so true
Aquarius
There's usually at least a two second delay between thought and words --
for most signs, anyway. In your case, it's about a second, on slow days. At
the moment, however, there will be no delay, which makes you pretty darned
dangerous. Basically, if you were regulated by the FCC, they'd have your
license by noon. Keep that in mind before you go off on anyone who's not as
well armed in the verbal department as you happen to be.
Aquarius
There's usually at least a two second delay between thought and words --
for most signs, anyway. In your case, it's about a second, on slow days. At
the moment, however, there will be no delay, which makes you pretty darned
dangerous. Basically, if you were regulated by the FCC, they'd have your
license by noon. Keep that in mind before you go off on anyone who's not as
well armed in the verbal department as you happen to be.